Post # 1
Okay Bees, I am not an avid poster. To be completely honest, I usually just stalk Weddingbee to get inspiration and to search board topics that I may be going through–you know just to let me know that Im not crazy or alone. But what Im going through now I believe is uncharted territory for me and Im searching for advice so here goes…
So if you have read my previous post you may have ssen that my wedding was postponed and I had some complications with setting a date. Well that has all been resolved and we have a set date (that both me and my fiance agree with). So far we have booked our venue, photographer, sent out Save the Dates, had invitations designed (but not ordered), and have appointments to book a DJ and cake caterer in 2 weeks. I said all of that to show that YES THIS THING IS HAPPENING. lol
Anyways, I have 4 bridesmaids (2 are my good friends, 2 are my fiance’s cousins that I am pretty good friends with throughout our relationship). One of his cousins is actually the maid of honor. Okay so all of my bridesmaids were present when their dresses were ordered. Of course right after the dresses were ordered we postponed our wedding. Well my mom (and I) didnt feel right asking the girls to pay $110 for a dress that they may never wear again–we also tried to pick a dress that could be worn anywhere (not to formal or anything). So my mom and I paid for ALL of their deposits ($86 a piece) plus an additional amount so all each Bridesmaid or Best Man would need to pay would be roughly $40 when the dresses arrived. When the dress shop called me to inform me that the dresses came in, I informed all of the girls to please pick up their dresses and also reminded them of the remaining price they would have to pay. Well this was around April of last year. Since then I know that one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man has her dress (I even offered to store it for her). The rest I have been trying to get an answer from them as to find out whether or not they picked up their dresses. I mean I have sent emails and text (because they never really answer the phone when you call-which is fine because Im the same way).
Well I finally called the dress shop this week to see if they knew if the girls had picked up their dresses. The dress shop told me that neither of the other bridesmaids had picked up their dress so they placed the dresses in the “cancelled wedding” rack which is used for anyone to purchase those dresses. They couldnt tell me if the dresses had been purchased by anyone else and also informed me that if I needed those same dresses I would have to put down another deposit for each (basicaly as if Ive never ordered them to begin with).
Right now, Im debating on how to handle this situation. Im a little frustrated with the other BMs for their non-responsiveness as I feel that I have been pretty generous…on top of that I cant ask my mom to put down any more money (although I didnt ask her she- she offered out of the kindness of her heart). And I could possibly work up enough money to put more deposits down…but I really dont want to…
So I added a poll…feel free to leave any additional advice. What would you do?
Post # 3
When was the new date set? It sounds like the girls didn’t want to pay $40 for a bridesmaids dress for a wedding that wasn’t happening (when it time to pick it up). I can’t blame them there. I certainly wouldn’t kick them out of the bridal party for it.
Post # 4
The new dste has been set since last year. They even were given a Save the Date and this date has not been waivered since then. I even tried to contact them AFTER I gave them the Save the Date. It just seems weird to not get a response from them. They didnt even say ” No I havent picked up the dress, but I will pick it up closer to the date” or something along the lines of that. I would understand if that would be the case..then at least i wouldve been able to contact the dress shop and let them know to hold the dresses a little longer-or I might have even just paid the rest of the cost and held the dresses. I guess Im just more concerned about the fact that A) if i cant communicate with them about this issue, how will I communicate with them in the future about wedding related events B) now I have to find more dresses for them before August and I dont know if I should be the one to pay for it all.
Am I overreacting?
Post # 6
I would send out an email and follow up with a phone call.
” Dear Bridesmaid or Best Man. I am honored you have agreed to be in my wedding. However, I’m wondering if you still want to take part. If you have changed your mind, please let me know. If I don’t hear from you in a few days, I will assume you would like to step down.”
Get their responses, if they want to still be in. Then I would say
“I’m so glad you still want to be in the bridal party. However there is a problem. Since you didn’t pick up your dress in a timely manner, they probably have been sold to someone else. This means you will have to pay for a new dress in it’s entirey. we were able to pay for the deposit previously, but now are no longer able to do that. Please contact XYZ store and place an order ASAP. “
Post # 7
If they had any idea on the rescheduling, or even if they didn’t, they should have talked to you. I mean it wouldn’t take much to flat out ask whether or not it makes sense to pick up the dress if they still weren’t sure on your wedding plans.
Moving forward, I would suggest asking if they still have any interest in participating as a member of the bridal party. If they say yes, then explain the dress situation. It doesn’t have to be a lecture, but you really don’t have to apologize for anything, either. It sounds like you did your part to keep them informed. If they say that paying the full cost of the dress is a deal breaker, then say you understand and appreciate that they did consider standing with you.
Post # 9
WOW.. that sounds perfect. Thanks. Im not really a confrontational person so I wanted to make sure I take my feelings out of it. Although I am hurt by the fact that I cant reach them, I want to portray that this is an issue that I would like to address. What you posted sounds very polite and doesnt give the impression that I am being pushy or put off. Thanks again.
I was afraid that they would feel as if this wedding wasnt going to happen so that may have been the issue, but in my opinion that doesnt excuse them from simplying hitting “Reply” and informing me of where they stand. Im very open to communicate with. But I do realize that no one cares about my wedding as much as I do…I just keep repeating that in my head. lol