- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
No better place than the Bee for this one. This is long, and I apologize but I am so feeling the ARGH of this matter and appreciate your kind eyes and responses.
Here’s my relationship with my mom: She is living her life through me (even my Dad admitted this, his words) and as witnessed by all, she is jealous of me. I wish I could say different, and I have tried to connect with her through the years but it always dissolves into her b.s.
A couple months ago my Maid/Matron of Honor began arranging my bridal shower. We checked in with my mom, out of courtesy, to see if she wanted to host one in New York where I’m from or if we should even send an invitation to her for the California shower my Maid/Matron of Honor plans to host, as I live in CA now. It was unlikely my mom would fly all the way to CA for the event, we didn’t want to be rude, etc. so I called her and expressed all these sentiments. She said, “Oh that’s fine, you two do what you need to do.” I suggested that perhaps if I visit NY this summer she could host a second more family-oriented bridal shower then to be involved in that capacity, etc. I know it isn’t proper etiquette per se for the MOB to host a shower, but considering the extenuating circumstances of distance, family would understand and just want to celebrate and be together and it would be something my mom might enjoy hosting. She said, “Okay, we’ll see.”
Fast forward a couple weeks ago. My parents decide to come into town in June to see a play I’ve directed. This, I know, was initiated by my dad. Naturally I thought since they’ll be in town, maybe we could have the shower while my mom is here! I excitedly suggest this to my parents and say I’ll see if my bridesmaid can manage it with her work demands, closing a boutique she owns, and if we can do it sooner when they visit. No response from my mom, though she responds to everything else. Thankfully, my dad said something to break the flippin’ silence.
We hung up, and I got to thinking that ya know, I really don’t want her there. She pissed all over my FI’s proposal when we traveled to NY for the e-party (she waited until he left before she sunk in her claws, we had to travel separately for work schedule-related reasons) and how he should have waited to propose until things were more in order with his job, sons, etc. (Things were in the works at the time, but he’s always followed through in the past and I’d nothing to worry about; he followed through on these matters already. No reaction from mom. I am 33, he is 44…we got this, I swear, we got this. LOL) She is already piping up to piss on the ceremony not being Roman Catholic (Uh, ma? He’s not Roman Catholic…and I’m okay with that.) She was lackluster during a bridal shop visit, content to have me only in ONE dress than shop as I expressed I wanted to with her. (More on that story in my “beaming, found my dress” post if you wish for more info.) She emailed me a silly photo of a bride’s breasts popping out of her dress while throwing a dove in the air. While funny under any other circumstances, the fact that she sent it to me, and among all the other b.s. from her, and that it was the only wedding related email from her in months made me feel like she wished that’d happen to me. I responded with a “hey, check out this neat link!” with a link to a website about duties and proper etiquette of a MOB. 😉
I resolved to have the bridal shower in July, when she is not around because: a) I would like at least one event tied to the wedding free from her shenanigans. b) It is better for my schedule and c) It is better for the schedule of my friends hosting it.
Fast forward to today. I’m on the phone with my parents talking wedding details, and she asks if the trip I’m taking at the end of the month is my bridal shower.
me: “No, mom, that is the bachelorette party. My girlfriends are treating me to a trip.”
her: “So that’s not your shower?”
me: “No. That trip is a fun getaway with two girlfriends. Bridal shower is another day with more friends/co-workers, kitchen gifts, etc., different.”
her: “So, are you having the shower in June when I’m there?”
I proceed to tell her that I asked her about that and received no reply. She says she doesn’t remember my asking, turns to my Dad who vaguely remembers me saying that, THANK HEAVENS, and then asks when it is instead. Me: “It’s in July.” Her: “Oh, okay, then maybe we’ll have a bridal shower for you later in the summer…?” Me: “I’ll try to come home for that, but again, that was said before I knew you were coming to CA. I will see what work schedule allows.” Her: “Oh, okay then I guess we’ll just come to see your show.” Yeah, I guess so.
I now get an email from her asking if the date of the bridal shower can be moved to when she’s visiting. P.S. I just gave the green light to my bridesmaid to order the beautiful invitations she pined over for weeks, with the July date. Frickin’ frackin’…that’s the way it rolls.
I’m pissed because suddenly she wants to be all involved and expects me, my Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaid to stand on our heads for her after we tried to accommodate her earlier. Not to mention shorter notice for the other guests who’d have to RSVP by June 1st or something. Where in the hell was she months or even weeks ago? I find it hard to believe she “just forgot” or “just didn’t hear that”. Really? Selectively tuning in and out? Geez. If she was so interested in being there, why didn’t she make more of an effort to make certain of that, or say, “I’d really like to be present. What can you do?” when I first brought it up and there was time to fix it all? Eff that. My bridesmaid is closing her boutique in June and there’s no way I’m going to put her through the stress of driving up for a bridal shower only for my mom to piss all over it as is her way. Mom, you win the crazy-maker award. 🙁