Post # 1
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
That title just sounds naughty….but here’s my situation…
So I’ve been engaged a year. My (I thought she was) best friend agreed to be my bridesmaid from day one. She lives an hour and a half away and I knew that meant that she wouldn’t be able to be intimately involved in every aspect. I leaned on her for support and complained about my Momzilla from time to time. But I didn’t ask her to do anything UNTIL it was time for dresses. I picked them out, she said OK. Then months passed and I went with the 3 girls that are closest to me to try their dresses on and begin ordering them. Now, a month later, their dresses came in, my 4th girl (who’s in TX) picked out her dress and ordered it. Has my supposed “best friend”? No. Not a chance.
Maybe I’m being overly dramatic….but there’s the other resentment here… My shower was yesterday. My aunts and cousin planned it over a month ago and gave everyone 4 weeks notice by invites. A few days before it, I called my Troublesome bridesmaid and said “So I’ll see you this weekend?” She said she couldn’t make it. I was stumped…doesn’t the bridal party come? Everyone else is going to be there…. I asked why and found she hadn’t budgeted properly so she couldn’t join me for the shower. A day later, my aunt calls to find out if this friend is coming, because she NEVER rsvp’d!! And it was the damn day beforehand!
Being super pissy, I tried to call said friend and got no answer. I wrote what I consider to be a polite email to her, letting her know that she is not obligated to be my bridesmaid and I’d love her all the same if she was simply my supportive friend. I gave her an out, in otherwords. What do I get? A text response saying “No worries.” That’s it. At 9pm the day of the shower, she texts again to ask how the shower was.
Really? REALLY!? I haven’t had too much bridal drama yet…but this is unreal! We’ve been friends for years and never had a single uncomfortable conversation. Now what? Do I just let the chips fall where they may? Do I disinvite her? Do I let it ride? Do I try to control the sitch and run to her guns blazing making sure she gets her dress and actually attends the bachelorette party and rehearsal dinner?
I need help, Bees!
Post # 3
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
It sounds like she may be having financial difficulties. I think someone responded on another post like this with a sentiment I really liked – someone you choose to be a bridesmaid is supposed to be one of your closest friends and that street goes both ways – are you being a good friend to her?
Post # 4
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
Honestly she has done nothing out of line in my opinion. She probably is dealing with something. I think you are being too hard on her, maybe try to find time to visit her and go order her dress together and have a good chat over the situation.
Post # 5
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
It doesn’t sound to me like she’s done anything out of line. One of my bridesmaids didn’t make it to my shower, or get her dress until two months before my wedding. She was very much there in other ways though, ie. supportive in listening to my venting, etc. Everything worked out, and she was just as much a part of my day as my other bridesmaids, she just had financial difficulties that kept her from being able to be as involved, or able to get her dress.
Post # 6
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
I can understand why you’re upset about the shower but I agree with PPs, maybe she has something else going on. And in regards to the dress – did she miss some sort of deadline for ordering it? Who cares if she’s the last to do it as long as she gets it in time for the wedding?
Leave texting and e-mails out of it. VERBALLY discuss these issues with her and then go from there. Uninviting her or kicking her out of the wedding party would be extreme, imo.
Post # 7
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
@teacherin200829: Sounds like Miss Wishy-Washy…one of my most beloved friends and bridesmaids in person but the minute you try to get her to commit to anything that involves planning it’s all a crapshoot. Although she’s ordered her dress (she was the last one) and has told me that she’s bringing her bf to my wedding, I’m not keeping my hopes up that she’ll even show up….I’ve been disappointed by her empty promises too often. It’s one of those friends that I’ve just had to come to terms with the fact that she doesn’t really view loyalty/friendship the way that I do. When things work out for us to see each other it’s an awesome time and we have an amazing connection…in the past I truly felt we were soulmates. Then I moved I just have to let it go if I want to keep her friendship, which a few months ago I did decide that I wanted to maintain. It took me the last few months to come to terms with this, and be thankful for my “other” friends who DO value friendship/loyalty the same way that I do. I just have to take her friendship the way she will give it, or leave it. After one particularly upsetting disappointment, I sent her a very long heartfelt email, and she did the same thing your Bridesmaid or Best Man did — a text back saying “No worries — when we do get together we have the greatest times, I love you xoxoxo”. I was furious and hurt.
In your case I don’t really see how 1.5 hour drive costs that much money…she should have attended your shower. BUT she did make an effort to ask you how it went…However if she’s not attending your shower but will attend everything else full-force then so be it.
Post # 8
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
Thanks Bees! I will wait and see what happens from here. I guess I took it hard when she wasn’t there at my shower. I was hurt and got angry. A few years ago I moved away from where we used to live really close together and I think we’ve grown apart more than I realized since then. I’ll remember to keep my cook and not blow things out of proportion 🙂
Post # 9
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
OK… maybe new developement here… I am willing to give my bridesmaid some space BUT today (less than one week from my shower) she posted on facebook that she is going to Chicago to a concert. A) Chicago is a stone’s throw from where we live where 5 days ago she didn’t have enough money to drive to. B) She is going to a concert after telling me she had no money. Then posting it on Facebook? Is it ok to be bothered yet?
Post # 10
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
It’s annoying yes, but it’s her money, whether she has it or not, and she can spend it however she wants. Perhaps she got the concert tickets a while ago when she had money, someone got them for her?