Unsolicited Advice and trust

posted 3 weeks ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
709 posts
Busy bee

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@TeacherBee323:  That’s hilarious!!!

Post # 32
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

My husband does this too.  I told him I was going to get him a part time job as a correspondent  for NBC news because he always has something to say.  Now my jokes bother him as I’ll say that literally everytime he makes a comment I didn’t ask for lol and I can see is trying to stop.  Last night I was making dinner and did something that he didn’t like and I could see his lips moving but he held his words 🤣.  

Post # 33
546 posts
Busy bee

It sounds like you two have different style of communication, which is something you can usually sort out through – shocker – more communication lol. 

Your husband is well meaning, which is important to acknowledge, but that doesn’t mean he should just carry on doing it. He’s your partner, not your boss, your coach, or your mentor. I imagine you don’t give unsolicited advice yourself, and when one person is constantly giving unsolicited advice to the other it creates a very weird dynamic. Feeling parented by your partner to the point where even fun, casual dates turn into lessons feels gross and infuriating. 

I’m like you OP, I hate unsolicited advice from friends/family. I’m very introverted, so I process information internally and I like to work things out on my own BEFORE bringing in another person. Because of that, I also don’t give unsolicited advice because I assume the other person is still in internal processing mode until I’m told otherwise. It sounds like your husband processes things externally, so he probably has no idea why it would bother you. 

I think if you can get to the root of why it bothers you and what specific situations bother you it will help. It doesn’t have to be a confrontation/accusatory style conversation. You just need to understand each other’s thought processes and motivations a bit better. 

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