(Closed) unsupportive bridesmaid

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It is a bummer she’s not more interested in your wedding, but I’m thinking you should just let it go for now.  She’s going through a divorce which is pretty hard.  And even though she’s saying she’s fine, I’m sure she’s still going through a lot.  I’m sure that it’s not that she doesn’t care but she’s just distracted with what’s going on in her life.  You have over a year until your wedding, I’m sure she’ll get more excited once the date gets closer.  Also, since you have over a year, I would hold off on the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses until you are 6ish months out.

Post # 5
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@RunsWithBears:  I was thinking the same thing, she says she’s fine but prolly isn’t, gibe it time and see what happens closer to the date. I have one Bridesmaid or Best Man who told me she doesn’t want to do it (it’s a r e a l l y bad anniversary for her) and I coerced her to do it but she’s soooo not interested I’m gonna let it go. Whatever do I have an uneven number in my side! It’s not the end of the world!

Post # 6
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Hcrab81:  

You might not like what I have to say :(.

I was going through a divorce when one of my oldest, closest friends was getting married.  I’m not proud of this, but i’m so glad that she didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid (we hadn’t been terribly close in the last year).  During that time of my life, I was “fine,” but I didn’t want *anything* to do with marriage in any form. I actually didn’t even go to her Destination Wedding.  Incredibly selfish, I know, but I kind of just wanted to block out the existence of marriage entirely.  I was lucky enough to come out of it with our friendship intact. 

If the only reason you’ve contacted her is to chat about wedding stuff, she may just be trying to do the same.  I know that sometimes when we’re planning a wedding, that’s all that’s on our minds.  It might take you acknowledging her divorce, and the place that she’s in, and asking if it really is something she wants to be involved in.  Tell her it’s ok, and you understand if it isn’t something that fits well, but that you need to know so that you can take the pressure off of her.  And then go back to talking about anything that doesn’t pertain to marriage. 

Post # 8
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Hcrab81:  It’s a good sign that she’s coming to visit you, and I think your plan is right on. She’s in a radically different place in her life right now, and it’s not selfish of you to want support, but it’s not as selfish as you think for her to want to back off a little. 

I’m sorry, it’s sucky timing for you, but if you’re understanding, you two should come out ok 🙂

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