(Closed) Unsupportive families ruining the experience

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m sorry your family isn’t that supportive of the marriage. 

Can’t your Future Mother-In-Law just send a gift for your shower and than fly down for your wedding.  I mean I’m sure your Future Mother-In-Law would love to be there for all your events, but if she’s not in  good health wouldn’t you want her comfortable?

As for your Future Sister-In-Law, she’s in California, I fail to see how she’s that big of a part of your everyday life.  Stop FBing her, and paying attention to her, she lives for the drama and your feeding into it.  Just ignore her. 

Post # 5
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I beleive, that all of this is out of your control, health issues, crazy SIL etc. What you can control is how you let it effect you. I have had my fair share of craziness going on with my Future Sister-In-Law and beleive me it’s not easy to just pay no mind to all the crazy that comes with a crazy Future Sister-In-Law, but that’s what I have had to do, and I am at ease now. I figured out the only way it would bother me is if I let it. When I started to think about it ( use to be every day ,many times a day) I would just breathe and say it’s not worth it. The only way a dark cloud can hang over your day is if you allow it. I know the situation with your Future Mother-In-Law stinks. And you want her there, but is there a way you could facetime her at the shower? Does she have a computer or Iphone? If not, maybe see if you could just go visit for a couple of days,that might make you feel better. I’m sorry this is happening and I hope this helps. Just remember to breathe, and remember The day of your wedding Is about you two, and on that day I promise all this will be the last thing you think about. 🙂 (HUGS)!!!

Post # 7
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would change plans and elope in a heartbeat! I’m just having a church/reception wedding because of my grandmother; if it wouldn’t be for her I would either get married in cottage country or somewhere nice and warm!

 

In fact, I think an exotic Destination Wedding might be just the trick for you – that would beat psycho FSILs quickie wedding!

Post # 9
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@sunangel08: Ah… too bad. No chance you can get out of the contracts? I would be prepared to take a small loss if it meant piece of mind.

Post # 10
Member
2376 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

The crazy trailer trash whore will always be that way.  And there’s no reasoning with people like her. (note, that is not a bipolar reference.  It’s a reference to her being a trashy skank)  So she goes all over fb and thinks that she’s ‘winning’.  She’s not.  She trapped her man with a baby and forced him into a marriage he didn’t want.  And everyone with any sense is laughing at her.

I totally understand the frustration about limited time and resources though.  My fiance’s family is a 3+ hour drive from us, so we see them every couple of months.  My Future Mother-In-Law is totally involved in the wedding planning, so we take advantage of Pinterest, FB and Skype.  That way I can send her ideas, she can respond back when she has time and we’re all happy.  Make sure you get lots of pictures at any events that she can’t be there for, and let her know you appreciate the effort that she’s making.

Post # 11
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Don’t worry about her “winning”. I was feeling something similar a few years ago, because I am the planner, ya know need the wedding, the house then kids and so on. Well my cousin et an older man with kids from other women, moved in right away and got pregnant. I felt a little deflated, because I have been with my guy for over 10 years and was like WTF? We have been saving and planning and she just sweeps in to steal the show, but now I get it. I think she is happy, but her situation of step mom to other kids and then has now 2 of her own less than a year apart has her ragged. This is not a situation I would want to be in.

Just wait, you’ll see. She’ll get her come’up’ens, with a mom like that pity the poor baby. While your kids are rocket scientists her’s will be getting kicked out of the trailer park for bad behavior.

Post # 12
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@sunangel08:  Maybe this is just my southern roots speaking here, but I would kill your SIL with kindness. Send her baby stuff, send her pregnancy care packages, whatever. Give her stuff (even if it’s just small stuff). Let her and her BIL know that you support her. My feeling is that once an innocent life gets involved, it’s always better to be supportive than distant (plus, this kid will need a sane adult in his or her life at some point in the not-so distant future). And if she still rebuffs you, you know it won’t be on you. It will be clear to everyone that your SIL is an insane and ungrateful harridan.

I also kinda doubt they deliberately planned this pregnancy to take away your thunder. I mean, who knows, maybe they did, but that seems to me like something out of a Scandal plotline, not real life. You future SIL sounds pretty vain and it would take a great act of selfishness get married while looking preggers in her designer wedding gown just so she can walk up the aisle before her awesome sister-in-law. 

Here’s what I would do: look at your wedding as Elopement 2.0. If your parents-in-law can make it, great. If your family comes to their senses and can make it, great. But your only priority is having a beautiful celebration with you and your Fiance in Florida in September (which will be perfect!). That’s it. All that other noise is out of your control. Maybe talk to a therapist if this is really bothering you and she can give you some strategies for working through some of this. But it sounds like your in-laws know you will be the sane (and much-needed) addition to their family and that they love you and support you.

 

 

 

Post # 13
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Your best response to her, is no response. Don’t let anyone ruin your experience.  That day is about the union of you and your fiancé. Enjoy it regardless of anyone’s tactics to create otherwise. You’re getting married! Smile and wallow in the moment!

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