(Closed) Unsupportive Family

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Carlyb246:  Elope. Do the city hall thing, seriously. If anyone gives you lip about it, repeat the examples of their behavior back to them.

This sounds exactly how it’ll be with my family. I’m not engaged yet, but my mom has been telling me my whole life that eloping is the way to go. My little sister is in the ‘I’m an independent woman and marriage is stupid’ phase of her life. My mom isn’t a fan of marriage in general because my dad left us all years ago. When I suggested that we were considering doing a small wedding and going out to eat after, you wouldn’t believe the negativity I received.

I’ll admit I am a bit hurt and I wish I had one of those ‘don’t you dare go dress shopping without me!’ type moms, but I don’t. It is what it is. So my SO and I are planning on eloping… something simple, just the two of us. At least we can control that WE have a good time.

The way I figure it, if we do go ahead and invite family and a few friends, it WILL end up being awkward. At least we can have it our way if it’s only our day.

Post # 5
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Carlyb246:  That’s really unfortunate. It’s bizarre how she acts regarding your ex. Nooo idea.

Have you tried talking to her about how this all makes you feel?

I don’t really know what to suggest other than if you think that your mom and sister won’t come around, try and accept it and NOT let their attitude ruin your day. Or why not just get married w. FI’s parents there? I’ve come to the realization that you can’t control other people, but you can control what kind of people you surround yourself with. If having them at your wedding, acting the way they do now, will ruin it, don’t invite them. If you think that’ll just make family harmony even worse then I guess you have no choice but to invite them, but it sucks that they have so much power to ruin this for you.

At least it’s only one day I guess.

Post # 6
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@Carlyb246:  I feel so upset for you right now. I’ve felt kind of similar before with both of our families not being very excited for the wedding. However no one had your mom’s attitude of liking weddings, just not yours. 

I’ll post a link to it because I don’t want to threadjack:

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/am-i-just-being-immature 

Maybe your family is trying not to get emotionally invested in it because a small part of them thinks the same thing will happen again? I probably would.

But that doesn’t excuse her behavior. I’d be really supportive/ excited/ giggly, but possibly a little afraid that you guys will break up like last time. 

Post # 8
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Carlyb246:  And your sister is probably jealous. Sisters often can be… I think it’s a pretty natural part of the sisterly dynamic. At least in my family it seems to be!

Is there a fun way you could include her?

Post # 9
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Hun… just find comfort in your Fiance and friends. Don’t let it bother you. 

Here is my situation and I totally am over it.

Mother in a different country – I can’t talk to her about my wedding plans becasue all we talk about is how much she always needs money and how hard life is for her.

Father in a different country – addicted to alcohol living in his mothers spare room, got an e-mail from me notifying him of my engagement…. he replied – ONE MONTH LATER with a simple congratulations.

Brother in a different country – Replied quickly with congratulations and later started to try to manipulate me to convince my mother to sign the land into his name for profit…. needless to say we’re not speaking.

As for the rest of my family…. since no one really talks to eachother – they propably don’t know and even if they did, they propably wouldn’t care.

So…. are you feeling better ? LOL

Post # 12
Member
808 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

find your joy where you can, with your fiance and his family and your friends

do what makes YOU happiest

 

Post # 13
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@Carlyb246:  Did your family know this entire situation? You knew a LOT about the relationship and about this one now. Do they know as much as you do? Try to look at it from an outsider’s perspective.

And like I said before, even if your mother IS having doubts, there is no excuse for her witchy behavior! 

Post # 14
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Carlyb246:  Ugh…..

Just try to focus on the bright side. It IS only one day, this won’t cost you tens of thousands of dollars, and you’re marrying your best friend.

 

Post # 16
Member
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

Yeah. elope. everyone else can go to heck and save the money for your future. If people start bitching at you flat out tell them you felt no support and decided the big white wedding wasn’t important to you. It’s their problem, not yours.

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