- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
Hi all! I’m new here and newly engaged (May 30) and have been having difficulty with unsupportive family and friends. I can preface this with saying that the lack of support isn’t anything like what I’ve read in some posts here, but it’s still enough to bother me.
A little background… I was in a relationship with the wrong guy for 7 years, and he really became part of my family over that time. When we broke up, it was really shocking to everyone. I moved really quickly into a new relationship with a guy I’d had sort of a fling with years ago (which nobody in my family had known about) and since he lived out of state, he moved in with me within 2 months. My parents were concerned, to say the least, that things were moving too fast, but when they met him, they did really like him and think he was a genuinely nice guy. He and I both never thought we’d marry or have kids (and we’re still firm on the not-wanting-kids part), but one night after a very deep conversation about the benefits of marriage, he proposed. There was no ring–it was a spur of the moment thing–and I am totally fine with that. We bought a ring after the fact. I think because he asked me without asking my dad for my hand in marriage, or without having a ring on hand, he’s getting a bad rap with my family and friends… but they don’t understand that neither of us ever wanted to get married in the first place. This just sort of happened, and we’re THRILLED with our decision. We’re doing things our way, and I’m sick of having to defend that.
I’ve had several friends now shocked at the news–one in particular keeps asking me “Are you still engaged?” and my first friend that I told actually stopped in her tracks and said, “What the HELL are you thinking?” Our relationship is young (we’ve been together 6 months) but what people don’t understand is the history that we have together. He’s new to my family and friends, but he’s not new to me. We were friends for years, and I really believe that he is my kindred spirit.
I guess I’m asking for advice and guidance. How do I convince the people closest to me that we’re in love, and that this is genuine and real? I know at the end of the day that everybody will still be attending the wedding–I don’t foresee anybody disapproving enough to stop speaking to us or anything like that–but I want our friends and family to celebrate our love on our special day. I want it to be the best day of our lives, and to have the people closest to us share that with us. If things don’t look up, we might just be running off to the courthouse instead.