Unsupportive Friend

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

Don’t tell her any more until after you elope. There’s no reason for her to know, especially if she’s going to be judgmental about it.

Post # 3
Member
4005 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Well she is right, if you are telling everyone years in advance then it isn’t an elopement. 

I guess I don’t understand why you are jumping to making her cry? It sounds like you might just be taking things wrongly, why would you be scary and “call her out”?

Why did you interpret her reaction as her being “mad” when you said you were eloping if you aren’t even close?

Post # 4
Member
71 posts
Worker bee

Even if you are getting married this year, I don’t see why you even have to bring it up in her presence. Is she constantly around? I agree with PP–no words about it until after you’re married, then just a simple “we got married.”

It sounds like some of her comments have been coming off as insensitive/judgey (though she’s technically right about it not being an elopement), have you not just simply said, “Hey, I actually don’t appreciate that comment” or even just “Eh, this is how we’ve decided to do things. Who wants more pie?” 

Post # 5
Member
5543 posts
Bee Keeper

We no longer discuss wedding/elopement stuff when she’s in the room.

Good. It’s rude to talk about events that people aren’t invited to in front of them. 

It WILL come up at some point, though, since we’re planning to get married this year

Nope. You don’t have to talk about anything. Eloping is not supposed to be blasted all over social media and rubbing peoples faces in the fact you are excluding them. Just go, elope, and tell people “hey! Were married! Yay!”

Post # 6
Member
900 posts
Busy bee

 Technically isnt an elopement when you get married without telling anyone? She would be right then. 

This is so not worth getting upset about. Just dont bring it up again.

Post # 7
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - York, ME

Honestly, nothing she said that you described was that judgey.  So she brought up her wedding after you started talking about yours.  Do you know who else does that? Just about everyone else who’s been married.  

If it really bothers you that much, just don’t discuss it with her. It sounds like you’re doing a very small, no-frills wedding anyways, so I don’t know why it would have to come up when you see them.

Post # 10
Member
4005 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

But what is she angry about? I just don’t get why you are assuming she is angry because you aren’t having a wedding.

Faux elopement doesn’t even make sense, it’s a private ceremony not an elopement. The meaning of the word hasn’t changed. browncoat :  

Post # 14
Member
4005 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

“What makes you think I’m assuming she’s angry? Why do you assume that I’m assuming?“

Probably when you said so? You said yourself you interpreted her actions as her being angry. 

I interpreted her reaction as mad because  I’ve been around her enough to know how she acts when she is mad. I don’t need to be close to someone to recognize when they are angry.“

browncoat :  

Post # 15
Member
5584 posts
Bee Keeper

Unless you are speaking to the small percentage of the population who understand elopement as it is understood on offbeatbride or the even smaller group of people who won’t raise their eyebrows at “faux elope” you should probably just call it a private wedding or say you will be marrying privately. And not talk about it in front of her, at all. As you said, she’s not really your friend and doesn’t need to be in the loop about anything. 

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