Post # 31
I’ll echo the PPs. Talking about an event other people aren’t invited to is rude. You’re inviting a conversation topic that you don’t actually want their opinion on.
When you were describing your wedding plans, did you throw any shade toward traditional weddings? I’m only asking because I can’t see how a plus-one would take your wedding plans personally unless your comments were along the lines of “we don’t want to waste money”, “weddings are all boring”, “we want to make it a special event not a show”, “why spend $$$ when we can buy a house” etc. Some folks who forego modern-traditional weddings say those kinds of things when they describe their plans without realizing it might be insulting to the person they’re talking to.
I don’t think the elopment comment was out of line. The term elope for most people still means “to run away secretly with the intention of getting married usually without parental consent”. Private ceremony is probably more accurate, but call you can call anything whatever you want.
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Post # 32
Personally I think it’s absolutely bizarre that she’s taking your wedding plans to heart so much. It doesn’t even sound like you two are very close friends.. I could understand her feelings being hurt if she was your sister or best friend since childhood, but even then it wouldn’t really be personal if you weren’t inviting anyone.
That said, since she’s not really your good friend it’s not really her job to be supportive. Just don’t mention the wedding around them.
Post # 33
I would be happy for the people who were getting married, and I don’t need an invite to their wedding specifically for that…but then, I don’t particularly LOVE going to weddings, so maybe it’s just me here.
Post # 34
Elope: to run away secretly in order to get married, especially without parental consent. (This is from the dictionary)
Private wedding is an accurate description of what you’re planning and it’s perfectly fine. Your friend is being ridiculous and dramatic. Don’t say anything to anyone until you’re married. Since you’re not inviting anyone talking about your plans could be construed as a bit rude.
Post # 35
strawberrysakura, beeinabearsuit: Not just you! I too am somewhat appalled by the idea that one’s nearest and dearest (I use this term loosely) can’t be happy for an engaged couple unless they receive an invitation to gawk at them/an open bar and free food. But that’s a different topic, I guess.
As is the “correct” use of the word elope, which, if we’re going by Merriam Webster standards, most of the posters on this site are using incorrectly. Actual elopements (as in with threats of death by family members and brides locked in towers and all that shit) happen very seldom in this day and age (at least I hope). My great aunt actually eloped at age sixteen, like, through her bedroom window, with another sixteen-year-old, but that was in rural Texas in the 1930s and there were religious and class differences, so…..
browncoat: This “friend” seems most concerned with the fact that you are choosing not to do something that she personally did choose to do. I do believe that this is what intolerance looks like. Or maybe intolerance-lite? I don’t know. Anyway, it’s not good, and I can understand why you’re irritated by her response. She sounds like she has some major insecurities about her own choices, which is SO not your problem, although she seems to be deperately trying to make it your problem. It would be one thing if you were sharing the details of your huge, lavish black tie affair and followed it up with “Oh, and by the by, everyone in the family is invited BUT YOU.” You shouldn’t get that kind of flak for sharing the details of your private ceremony (I agree that this term is probably more accurate), to which NO ONE is actually invited. If I were you I’d get myself as far away from her nay-saying energy as possible. Marriage is first and foremost an individual and private thing between two people, getting anyone else involved is entirely your call. Enjoy YOUR wedding the way YOU want to. Fuck whatever anyone thinks it SHOULD be (weird sentence).
And please tell me that your username is a Firefly reference…..:)
Post # 36
To the people saying it’s rude to mention the event to people who aren’t invited: they ASKED us about our wedding. They kept asking us about it, so we told them. If that makes us rude, okay then. Lol.
strawberrysakura : THANK YOU!! I didn’t come here to argue semantics. I didn’t really expect that to become the focus of this thread.
bearinabeecostume : You are not the oddball! I don’t get excited about weddings either. In fact, I don’t even really enjoy large gatherings. Many years ago, a good friend of mine told me she was going to elope. I was happy for her. It did not even occur to me to be offended. Why would I be? It was her choice to do it how she wanted.
coffeecakez : Nope, we didn’t throw any shade on it. She doesn’t even know why we made this choice. She didn’t ask why. When I started to explain anyway, I only got out four words: “it’s stressing me out…” and she cut me off in the middle of my sentence and ranted about how she was stressed out but still did it anyway. That’s nice for her, but I’m not her.
norapunch : Yes, my name is a Firefly reference 😀
Your response makes me feel a bit better. I think you’re right to say that whatever her issue is, it’s for her to deal with.
Post # 37
I know, it’s weird isn’t it, the idea of an ‘elopement package for up to 20 people lol!
It is all just marketing tho, and the word elopement has been hijacked and made to sound sexy in some way. It doesn’t actually change the meaning of the word, it just means some people start using it wrongly . I think you are wise to drop it – and other frankly mad terms like ‘faux elopement’. Stick to the dignified and accurate term private wedding.
And nothing at all in front of her. If she brings it up, yes indeed say something like ‘this is how fi and are doing it fsil’ , then change the subject in an obvious fashion.