(Closed) Unsupportive Mother

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Well apparently your Mother has issues with letting go. That is natural, but apparently she is not good at handling it. I am afraid, based on her history, that is NOT going to change in time for your wedding. I am curious as to what’s the big rush though!

Post # 5
Member
403 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Maybe your mother would feel a bit better about things if she had got to help plan the wedding. Getting married is a major milestone, that parents look forward to as their child entire life. This might not be what you want to hear but I don’t know if getting married while you are on the out’s with you mom is a good idea. It seems liike 7 days wont be enough time for her to get over the shock.

Post # 6
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

@Asaloraa:  

Why don’t you get married December 1 next year?  On the anniversary of your move in day?  It’s just seems like you have a lot going on, too much to enjoy your wedding right now.  I don’t understand the big rush.  You’re only 22.  If you wait a year you’ll only be 23.  Slow it down.  Might not be the advice you want to hear, but there you have it.

Post # 7
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Asaloraa:  Had your mom been expecting you to get engaged and to get married so sooon?  It may in part be that you are moving out combined with the getting married so quickly.  She may be upset that you’re not having a wedding or that she’s not included, I’m assuming your eloping.

Post # 8
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Don’t change your plans for your mom.  It sounds like your Fiance did a lot of work for you and you shouldn’t throw that away.  I say invite your mom to lunch in a day or two and tell her that you love her so much and she will always be so important to you and you will always need her in your life and you need her on your special day.  Tell her that even though she may not approve of all the changes happening right now she will regret not coming to your wedding and you will always be sad that she wasn’t there for you on your wedding day.  It sounds like you really want her there so stress that to her, make her feel like she is needed and that you will always need her no matter what.  It sounds like she needs to be needed so make her needed, ask her to help you pick out your dress maybe.  I hope it all works out for you but just remember even if she doesn’t show up this is your and your FI’s day and you two are the only ones that matter so if she doesn’t show up it’s going to suck but the most important people will be there.

Post # 9
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2013

First of all, congratulations to you and your fiance!  As for your mom…that’s a tough situation.  And it’s heartbreaking.  I am dealing with a similarly unsupportive mother and sister and it’s been very difficult.  I think that alyssaC is right.  Don’t change your plans for your mom, but do let her know that you love her and that you would like her to be there.  Your mom has some major control issues and those aren’t going to go away whether you get married on December 1st, 2012 or December 1st 2057.  She isn’t going to be happy about this at any point.  If you try to placate your mom now by postponing the wedding, etc., you’re also sending her the message that it’s okay for her to bully you and your fiance.  And that pattern will most definitely continue on into your marriage.   You guys deserve a lot more than that.  Best of luck to you!     

Post # 10
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@alyssaC:  +1

@lizziebell1978:  +1

I had a difficult time with my mother, too.  She has major control issues about everything.  (The adolescence years were rough for our relationship. In fact, I stopped talking to her completely and chose to live with my dad when they separated.)  *hugs*  Do what you and your Fiance want most.  It’ll be tough to do your own thing but you have to remember, you’re going to spend the rest of your live with Fiance not your mother.

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