(Closed) Unsupportive mother…should I elope?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: To elope or not to elope?
    Elope : (1 votes)
    10 %
    Don't Elope : (9 votes)
    90 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2007 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    That is so hard not to have the support of family.  I know I would have a really hard time if I didn’t have mine.  Do you know WHY she’s not supportive?  Is it your fiance in particular?  Is it just because you live far away and she’s been hoping you’ll move back?  Does she think you’re not ready to get married?  The reason why she’s not behind you on this would definitely affect what I would do in your situation. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    6597 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I think you will regret it if you don’t have a wedding for the reason you stated of sharing your day with your supportive friends!

    I am sorry that your mom isn’t being supportive that is hard! Spend time with the people who love you both and share your joy!

    Post # 5
    Member
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I’m in a similar situation…fiances parents atlhough married for 25 years, aren’t happy at all and really they’re only married still because of money.  So when they found out about us being engaged/planning a wedding there really was zero excitement.  They think because they screwed up their marriage that marriage is bad for everyone.  Then we have my sister who says she’s happy for me but I think deep down inside she’s slightly jealous and won’t even save to come out to CA for a wedding…our only real support system come from our friends who are beyond excited…

    So we talked it over with our close friends and asked how they would feel if we eloped and all of them said OH MY GOSH do it, let us take you to dinner when you get back etc.  Knowing that they would be excited either way and how our family members could care less…we’re choosing to elope in Maui.  I had to really think though, would I regret not having a wedding with everyone in attendance?  Then I thought…what if we did have a wedding and I regretted THAT…and I think with our families, they’d turn the day into shit…so I was fine with not having our friends there. 

    Does that make sense?  For me my main concern was the fiance and I being totally happy and stress free the day of…and that means not having anyone there with us 🙂

    Post # 6
    Member
    7053 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Your mom probably DOES love you and is just acting out b/c she’s afraid of losing you in her life.

    And some moms (and dads) may not be so thrilled about the whole situation because they are used to you being there!  I’m a mom and would feel like my heart was ripped out if my son were to move to the other side of the country!

    I say have your wedding.  Or elope.  Just do what you want to do in your heart. In the meantime, write mom a heartfelt letter or hop a plane or drive to her.  reassure her that YOU love her!  Maybe that’s what she is waiting for.

    I wish you both healing and love!

    Post # 7
    Member
    1490 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    From someone who did decide to elope: elope if it becomes impossible to have a happy wedding day with your guest list. That said, you mention how you want to celebrate *with* your friends and family and that you do have people who are supportive. I think your mother will eventually come around enough to behave on your wedding day and really, that’s all you can ask for. If it seems tenable, it probably is. Most of us go through the ‘oh god, let’s elope’ stage. If it doesn’t end and the wedding gets worse, elope and do so happily. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    751 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    If your dream is to have a nice wedding then do it. God love them but some times moms can be a pain in the rear. Do what you will be happy with just don’t do it because of your mom. I understand that you love your mom and all you want is her support and acceptence. But sometimes we have to accept the fact that are moms are never going to think anyone is good for us and some times they get scared that this boy is going to take there girl away from them. Try to talk to her about it. If she acts the same way them she not going to change her mind just love her accept her decision and move on with your wedding.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2470 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I would try to talk to her. Let her know what you need her support in the wedding – on an emotional level (not money). Let her know that her opinions do matter. Sometimes moms just need to hear that.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2324 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    Don’t elope, unless you want too. I eloped because my mother didn’t seem very excited about my wedding and I regret it. I should have just gone ahead and done it the way I wanted to and I would have been just fine. She would have come around, I know that now. My husband and I are now planning to renew our vows 7 years after we were married. :

    Post # 11
    Member
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    My roommate is in the same situtation as you.  Her mother didn’t approve of her career choice and therefore nothing my roomie does will ever be right.  Her Fiance is a great guy and has a great family. My roomie has two sisters that she loves and wants to be apart of her wedding.  And then there’s me.  I think of her as a sister.  So I told her forget about her mom do what makes her and the Fiance happy.  Plan the wedding they want.  Invite her parents and if they come they come if not, it is their lose.  You do want to be surrounded by his family and yours.  I’m sure she’ll come and if she asks all moody the guests will just look poorly on her not you.  Who knows she may act totally different when she sees you in  your wedding gown.

    Good luck and follow what you want to do.

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