So here is some basic context about Pakistan that I’ve missed – it’s on the red list mainly for political reasons at the moment because Boris Johnson and team can’t have India be on the list red and take out Pakistan. The border between india and Pakistan has been closed for a decade so no cases come through. The stats in Pakistan are way wayyyy better than the U.K. right now and the PM has made a special ask to Bojo to review our case and make it amber. My mother is a senior doctor who works in government hospitals and sees official healthcare stats – our hospitalisation and positive covid test rates are very low, we are not in any sort of peak. I would never suggest going to Pakistan if things were ACTUALLY very unsafe.
I have planned and cancelled 4 engagements in 4 different countries to try and accommodate for safety and COVID restrictions. I don’t care about a party. I am just asking for him to spend time with my immediate family before we make a lifelong commitment to each other next year. My grandmother who raised me is super old and cannot travel any longer – I just want her to have met him in case anything happens to her.
We are all double vaccinated (my family and his) and my bf has Pfizer which has some of the strongest protection against the new variants. I also don’t want to put his parents at risk, we are in our early 30s and I had suggested the two of us flying on our own which he had dismissed.
What is pissing me off is the double standards. He is going into the office on Fridays where wearing a mask is NOT allowed – so he can sit inside an enclosed office for 12 hours without masks, but doesn’t want to take a 7 hour direct flight with masks on where everyone has done a PCR test. He has gone to client dinners in restaurants, and is going to friends birthdays at rooftop bars and getting drunk with friends in London without any social distancing. He is playing cricket every Sunday with his league. He had taken 3 weeks off in August to visit Pakistan, which he will likely repurpose to take a flight somewhere else. So he is clearly happy to take risks – just not when it comes to me.
I am not upset that a trip to Pakistan isn’t happening – I’m upset that he can’t give a shit and isn’t trying to make an effort to find alternatives. I am happy to adapt – There are a lot of countries on the green list and amber list where we can find a middle ground to meet but he has not made the effort to find a solution. Obviously my grandmother won’t be able to come but I would be happy that at least he tried and met my parents and siblings. It’s about the effort, and recognising that I also have needs and cannot just be steamrolled into going ahead with whatever his family wants.
im also not saying it has to be in August – just at some point before next March. But he refuses to take vacation at any point in the year besides August because that’s the only downtime in his job.
In addition to that, his mother repeatedly keeps asking me and my family that my parents should fly to London instead. In order to do this, they first have to go to an amber list country like the US, spend 21 days there, then fly to the U.K. and do a ten day quarantine. Why is my family’s health and safety not a concern – why are they dispensable in this situation? Why is my family expected to take multiple flights and risk their lives so that his doesn’t have to lift a finger?
I have also seen a lot of suggestions to postpone. I would do that if his family were amenable to flying at any point once the risk of travelling decreases. However, what I’m seeing is that they do not want to travel until covid ends, which could be 5 years or never in our lifetimes. They also don’t let him travel alone to meet my family until then. That is completely unreasonable. We cannot live together until we are married or start a family, and I have gynaecological complications which is why we only have 3-5 more years to have children. So this is why we don’t want to delay the wedding any further.