(Closed) unsure about visiting in-laws this weekend

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Honestly, I didn’t read your entire post because it was too difficult to read without being broken down into paragraphs. But my opinion probably wouldn’t change if I had read it all: SUCK IT UP AND TRY TO HAVE A GOOD TIME. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow, even if it’s not ideal. It’s only for 1-2 days max, it’s not like they’re asking you to visit for a month. Just go, plaster on a smile, bring a good book to read, try to grab a glass of wine if you start feeling tense, you’ll earn brownie points for being a good DIL and you’ll be home before you know it!

Post # 4
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@CanAmBride: I have to agree with you

Post # 5
Member
413 posts
Helper bee

What I got from this post was that you didn’t want to go because it wasn’t what you wanted to do.  First, many families shoot, it’s a sport (not sure where you are from) and can be done safely.  Sounds like your Darling Husband just wants to spend time with his little brother and the rest of his family?  Could you guys go on Saturday and for the lack of room say your also going to take advantage of being in the area and go visit your parents?  That way you are with your Darling Husband on Saturday, spend the night with your parents, and then come back and get him if his family makes you that uncomfortable?  Part of being married is doing things for the other person even if it makes you slightly uncomfortable at times, it’s his family.

Post # 6
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I agree with the others, I think you should go. I’m sure your husband does some things with your family that he doesn’t really want to, but you’re married so that’s just what you have to do now. I feel like they wouldn’t invite you to stay the night if you had no place to sleep. And it does suck that you don’t always get along with your Mother-In-Law, but maybe you can use this time to try to find something in common and bond a little.

Post # 7
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

Umm its only a day or 2. And they are your in laws! Suck it up, put a smile on, and spend some time with them. It will be over before you know it.

Post # 8
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Honestly, you have to suck it up.  You are married to their son and you need to spend time with his family.  Saying that you don’t want to go because you don’t know where you will sleep is grasping at straws in my opinion.  Sleep on the floor, on a couch, or on a recliner.  Just because a bed isn’t available doesn’t mean you will have no where to sleep.  If there is only one bed, the elderly aunt and uncle should have it.  Bring a pillow and a sleeping bag with you. 

As far as shooting guns, honestly, like a PP said, it’s a sport and can be done safely.  I don’t like guns either, but my Darling Husband has one in our house and sometimes will go to a range to shoot it.  As long as he is safe about it, then I can live with it. 

Maybe this is a good time to get to know your in laws a little better and try to get a long with them.  If you go there and act like you don’t want to be there, though, that will not help the situation.  MIL’s are usually bossy and try to tell you what to do.  Just nod and tell her you’ll consider it, then forget it.  Just because she says it doesn’t mean you have to take it seriously.  Try to have a good time.  They are your family now, too.  It’s only a few days, it isn’t like you have to do it for a month. 

Post # 9
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

You really only seem to be thinking about YOURSELF in this situation.

You don’t want to go because of your Mother-In-Law and there may not be somewhere for you to sleep (I am sure they will figure it out or they wouldn’t have invited you).

You don’t want to be left alone with your MIl while your Darling Husband goes shooting because it will be awkward and boring. You are choosing not to go with him but you are unhappy with the your only other options.

You don’t want to go home because your trying to avoid your family.

and finally you don’t want to stay home because you don’t like being alone.

What about your Darling Husband spending time with his family and doing something he enjoys with his little brother? Relationships are all about compromise not about your Darling Husband rearranging his life so you are always entertained and not lonely.

Post # 10
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I didn’t read the other advice – but, here’s what I think you should do:

Think about your husband, his feelings, and put on a happy face.

I’m sure it’s tough for him to know you don’t really like his family and/or his mom and/or what his family does for fun (the gun thing).

I would psyche myself up to be as pleasant as possible and make all the ladies in his family fall in love with me.

Your husband will be relieved that he doesn’t have to worry about you and can enjoy the time with his family.

Also – don’t worry so much about the sleeping arrangements… will you have a good night’s sleep?  Probably not … but that’s not the point of going up there… it’s so everyone can be together.

I’d also focus on the fact that it’s just one night and one afternoon… and then you can go back to your life with Darling Husband.

Sometimes putting in time with the in-laws is just something that needs to be done.  And while I don’t think you are going to be BFF’s with his mom, perhaps she’ll surprise you and you might even enjoy her company.  

Whenever my Mother-In-Law gets annoying, I just remind myself that if it weren’t for her, Darling Husband wouldn’t be alive…. and that somehow softens any angst I may feel.

Post # 12
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

@starry:Yes I am sorry but I agree with the others. My Darling Husband does MANY things for me only and for my family and friends that I am sure he doesn’t want to do and vice versa. We are married, a unit, a team and you do that for each other and I am sure you know this already. I understand you said you are shy and reserved, so am I. However, you need to break out of that shell and open yourself up to his Mother-In-Law and family, so you can get to know each other better. You are going to be with them for quite some time now.

I am sorry, I feel its unfair to be annoyed with Darling Husband for wanting to go shooting. He obviously did this prior to getting married and even knowing you and it is something his family does. I understand YOU don’t like it, but that doesn’t mean he has to not like it or do it anymore. Before Darling Husband I was very uncomfortable with guns, mainly bc I was never around them and had no knowledge of them. Well Darling Husband is an avid collector and shooter and has been since he was about 8 years old and honestly we have about 20 guns in our house. He has trained me and taught me and really, its something fun we do togethor now.

I am sure its a moot point now as it is the weekend but really, I think you need to just put your pride and feelings aside and do this for your husband.

Post # 13
Member
2426 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

The last time Darling Husband and I went to visit his family, they had an all out air soft game for about 5 hours.  It’s not exactly my cup of tea.  Correction, it’s NOT my cup of tea. lol  However, it’s his family and it was something they enjoy doing together.  I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but his family shouldn’t stop doing things they enjoy just because you don’t like/agree with those things.  And, you might as well get used to staying there, because as married couple, that’s something you’re going to have to deal with for the rest of your married life. 

I undestand the different dynamics of families.  I’m all about schedules and plans and his family makes decisions at the last second.  Drives me insane, yes…but, that’s just how the are.  It wasn’t until I learned to relax and accept their way of doing things until I learned how to have fun with them.

 

Post # 14
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@starry: how did it go??

The topic ‘unsure about visiting in-laws this weekend’ is closed to new replies.

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