Post # 1
My SO’s brother just got engaged a couple weeks ago. His brothers fiance is from Vegas (which is a 4 hr plane trip away from us) and they decided to have their wedding there in April. My SO is to be the best man and the trip will cost us about $3000 total. Here is where the issue lies.. SO soon to be sister-in-law called him one night to talk details about the wedding, I wasn’t there, but she asked him, ” Do you think @AngE0522 would mind serving food at my reception?” She went on to explain that she needed people to serve the buffet line and she thought since I was so friendly I would do a good job!!!!!! He told her she would have to talk to me but he wasn’t sure. She called me today and left a message but I havent returned it yet because I honestly don’t know how to respond. I want to go as a guest and enjoy myself. I know if I dont have something prepared to say, I will end up agreeing because I feel obligated. i just dont want to cause any rift between us by declining and any advice is appreciated on how to deal with this…. Thank you!
Post # 3
@AngE0522: I think that’s rude. Wow. Okay, so just tell your fiancé you feel real uncomfortable doing that and let him handle it. Or call this woman and tell her yourself that you don’t think that’s something you’re up for. Thank her for the opportunity (wtf) but no thanks.
Edit: I’m like you and I would just say okay because I can’t think of a reason not too, but don’t let her push you into doing it. You don’t want to and you don’t have to. Just say it and then brace yourself for her reaction, but the hardest part will be actually saying it and waiting for her to answer. after that you can put it behind you and enjoy your time as a guest. I’m sure she’s heard plenty of “no’s”, but she shouldn’t expect guests to serve Food.
Post # 4
@AngE0522: “Thank you so much for honoring me by asking me to help out at the wedding. I would prefer to attend as a guest. Perhaps there are people local to you that you could ask, or you could hire a few high school students.”
Post # 5
Exactly what Julies said. Tell her you’d rather enjoy the wedding as a guest. And why does she feel a need to have people serve buffet food? That’s cafeteria style. People can serve themselves.
Post # 6
@ToTheRiot: I agree with everything you just said. I always find it hard to say “no” if I don’t have a reason why I can’t.
@julies1949: that sounds really good…it’s polite but to the point and offers her a solution other than me! Thanks.
@jbh13: That’s what I thought! Every buffet I have been to I’ve served myself.
Post # 7
@AngE0522: That’s so weird! If it were me, I would probably just say yes, but dep down I’d feel super weird about it. It’s hard to say no to the bride!
Post # 8
@AngE0522: It’s not unusual to have servers assist at a buffet, becuse some people just take a ridiculous amount of food. Often they have servers for the entrees- the roast, chicken, ham etc. for portion control.
I understand that some people need to ask for help from friends and family to keep the budget under control but you and your SO are already gifting them with your presence at a cost of $3000. I don’t think you need to serve as staff also.
Post # 9
@AngE0522: You could also offer the reason that you’l be tired from the travelling and would rather just relax and enjoy the day.
Post # 10
Is this a big, fancy wedding? Then yes, it’s an odd request. But I’ve been to many casual, inexpensive, weddings where family and close friends were asked to help decorate the reception hall or man the buffet. Who are the other people serving food? The bridesmaids? Other family members? This woman is going to be your sister, and I dont think this is an over the top request if done politely, and if the bride isn’t spending 10,000$ on flowers while family serves food. You won’t be asked to stand there all night, right? 30 minutes max?
Post # 11
Wow I’d be like super insulted? maybe? I dunno. As PPs said, wtf?
Tell your SO to handle it. This is just a weird situation. What’s the point of a buffet if you need to have pple “serving” it.
Post # 12
@AngE0522: I like Julies answer. I agree though, that is a weird request. If it’s a buffet, is it not catered? And why do they need servers? I have never heard of asking your guests to serve the food! Is this a small wedding?
Post # 13
I think you should politely decline as you would rather attend as a guest. I had to provide servers for my wedding and i went to a local university and hired the caering students. They were super cheap and professional. Maybe you could suggest she look into something like that?
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle
I’d say: “sure, i’ll serve your buffet if you pay me like you would any other vendor. It’ll be $1500. Lol!”
But seriously, how rude. I wouldn’t even respond.
Post # 15
@AngE0522: I can’t believe she’d have the stones to invite you to work at her wedding. After that kind of travel you should be treated (and pampered IMO) as a guest.
Post # 16
@AngE0522: Uh, no. Her request is beyond rude. You do not need an excuse to turn her down, and I wouldn’t even give her one.
“No, I’d rather not. Looking forward to celebrating with you!”