(Closed) unsure how to handle this…(sorry if its a little long, its my first :)… )

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
834 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@ashmc9: This is a difficult thing to deal with, and I’m going through the same thing. Wanting so many people to celebrate with you, but being unable to afford it. We were lucky enough to have recieved financial help, but even then, things are still small.

I think you are making the right choice for you. First, you should get together with your parents and explain how you are feeling. I think they’ll understand, and if they don’t at first, give it time… things will get better.

I will say this though… there is a LOT to be said about eloping.

Post # 4
4824 posts
Honey bee

I wouldnt send something out. No reason to remind people they arent invited. If people ask or assume they are invited reply with a “we are having an intimate ceremony and reception to meet our budget constraints”


Post # 5
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

@lefeymw: I agree…I feel like sending something out would be a bad reminder of why they weren’t invited. I think word of mouth would be a better way to communicate this.

I know your sentiment is sincere, but some might see it as you trying to remind people to send you a gift, even though they aren’t invited.

Post # 7
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would not send any explanation.

I understand the delimma for sure, as we were unable to invite anyone but immediate family and a small handful of friends. It’s inevitable that some people ARE gonna gripe, complain, and think that what you’re doing isn’t “right”… you just can’t please everyone… and the truth of the matter is is You and your FH wedding is about YOU TWO and NOT everyone else.

You and your FH need to talk and get on the same page about everything and just stand together and enjoy the process.

Talk it out with your parents and Father-In-Law and hopefully they’ll be understanding… don’t let them “offer to pay for their guests” and just explain that what you & your Fiance have come up with is what will work best for ya’ll.

Goodluck in your planning =)

ETA: Your and his parents should filter to family that the wedding will be intimate and that the guestlist will accomodate yours and his budget as you will be paying for it yourselves.

Post # 9
269 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Agreed with the PPs. I wouldn’t do it, although I understand why you want to…and to be honest I would probably try to consider the same thing, thinking it would be a nice gesture. It would likely backfire.

I also understand your situation and hope your day turns into a beautiful one for all involved. Our parents are paying for the wedding, and so it’s become more like a production and we feel like there are expections placed upon us. We know it’ll be a great time and still special, but it makes it hard. I think a small, simple wedding will be perfect and simply awesome.

Post # 10
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

@ashmc9: I don’t think that it matters if you’re registering or not. If I got something in the mail from a family member explaining why they couldn’t invite me to their wedding, I would think they wanted me to send them a gift (i.e. a card with money…)

Post # 11
4753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Gonna have to say no, don’t do it. The mass email is like a slap in the face to those who didn’t make the cut. And you might not be intending this… but it could be taken as gift grabby (regardless or intent or not, I’m sure you would never wish this but that was what first came to mind).

If people ASK about it, of course explain otherwise I wouldn’t mention it.

Post # 12
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with @2PeasinaPod. There’s no reason to tell people they aren’t invited. Regardless of your intentions, it will probably ruffle some feathers. The best course of action would be for you to ask your mother or immediate family to spread the word by mouth, being sure to have them express your regret at not being able to afford to invite everyone. People will probably be hurt no matter what you do, but sometimes you can’t avoid it. Weddings are special and sensitive topics, and sometimes it can be difficult for people to understand just how expensive they can be.

Post # 13
31 posts
  • Wedding: May 2011

Everyone on here is correct.  Good intentions on your part but it will not have the outcome you are hoping for.  Invite who you want and have your parents spread the word that you are having an small intimate wedding.  

They could say something like “Oh–Bride & Groom are just having a small intimate wedding.  We discussed a large wedding with the entire family and all our friends but big weddings are just so expensive these days.  It’s hard to draw the line on who to invite so they are doing immediate family only.  They would love to have everyone at their wedding but going into debt for a party isn’t a good way to start a marriage.  We will be sure to share the pictures at Christmas though if you are interested in looking at them” 

Post # 15
871 posts
Busy bee
Post # 16
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I went through a period of disinterest, too.  It was like I just got fed up with none of my plans being good enough for EVERYONE and I got overwhelmed, so I stopped.  Now I’m at one year and twelve days until my wedding and I have nothing reserved or paid for.  So, I’ve started picking up interest again.  I do not want a large wedding, at all.  I plan to send out 50 invitations, which will result in around 100 guests invited.  Ideally, only 50-70 of them will show.  I actually am getting married in a beautiful, lakeside park.  The rate is dirt cheap, so we could afford it, and it is big enough for 100 people, if necessary.  If you don’t want to leave everyone out, look into attractive parks/nature preserves in your area.  You’d be surprised to find out what is actually available for event rental!

The topic ‘unsure how to handle this…(sorry if its a little long, its my first :)… )’ is closed to new replies.

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