Post # 1
so I just wanted to share my story, maybe someone could relate or offer advice. Thanks in advance for anybody’s time!
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year, just a few months shy. We are both in college, the crazy thing is that I’m 21 and he’s 33! We work so well together, most of the time I feel like age doesn’t exist between us! We love art, both fine art majors, and connect very deeply over our interests.
Im writing because I found out last month that he bought an engagement ring for me. I feel very unsure of accepting a proposal. We both talk about our futures though, and it feels so natural and I can visualize it so clearly. He has a home music studio, and I’m growing a photography and videography business. We want to get a joint space for our studios together. It’d be so perfect!
However I just feel so not ready to be engaged. It’s like I can see us being married someday, but I can’t picture actually getting married and having a ring right now. If he asked me tomorrow I don’t think I could say yes. I just try not to think about it, but it’s always in the back of my mind, and it makes me afraid.
I’m not sure when and if he plans on actually proposing any Time soon. What are your guys thoughts on this?
Post # 2
Be honest. You’re still growing in your relationship, and it’s okay to not be ready for marriage yet. Have the discussion and see where his mind is at in terms of marriage- does he want it right away? What is his ideal timeline? Tell him how you feel- like you said, you want to be married to him someday, but you’re not ready yet. Having an open conversation about engagement/marriage will help you both establish your needs and figure out what works for the both of you. I’m happy for you that you found someone to spend your life with. Best of luck to you xx
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel
If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. Talk to him and explain that you definitely see a future together but not ready to take that next step just yet
Post # 4
There is nothing wrong with not being ready right now. Talking openly and honestly, much like how you did here, is a good plan. Maybe he doesn’t plan to propose for a while or would be comfortable with a lengthy engagement. 🙂
Post # 5
Talk to him about it! Don’t feel bad for not feeling ‘ready’, if he’s the right guy for you he will understand. Talking about this kind of thing is good and healthy in a relationship.
I felt the same way about my now DH and I being on the marriage track but not actually being ready for marriage. We don’t have a real age gap (he’s only 9 months older haha) but he was my first (and only) relationship so I needed to take the time to be sure that I wasn’t just being fooled by ‘first love’.
He was ready to be engaged within a year and made that clear, but he also knew I wasn’t there yet. There was a brief time just after the one year mark where he was the only one of his coworkers who wasn’t either married or engaged and they all made comments to him/us about it and it stressed the heck out of me! I ended up breaking down in stress sobbing as we were getting into bed one night at around 1.25 years that I was scared his coworkers were going to try to convince him to surprise me with a proposal I wasn’t ready for. He agreed that some were doing that, but that he knew I wasn’t ready. We had a good talk about why and about timelines, and we continued to talk casually about it for a few more years.
Around 2.5 years I was feeling ‘almost’ ready, so we started shopping for rings. We started the ordering process for my ring on our 3 year anniversary and he proposed within a week of actually receiving it. For the record I was a month shy of 21 when we started dating.
So long story short, you are definitely not alone in feeling this way! The stereotype is that it’s the guy who ‘just isn’t ready’ and I remember that making me feel really anxious and isolated like I couldn’t really talk to people about it. So hopefully if you’re feeling that way my accidental essay on the topic helped haha.
Post # 6
You’ve been with your bf less than a year and are only 21, I think you have every right not to be ready for an engagement. You need to talk with him so he knows before he proposes.
Post # 7
Let him know how you feel before he proposes so he isn’t shocked with how you react. If he loves you he will understand that whilst you love him and want to marry him one day, you just are not ready for it yet.
Post # 8
You’re still so young and it’s ok to not be ready! But at the same time he is 33 so not a total surprise he is ready and quicker. I’d really try and find a way to talk to him before he does propose and it becomes a harder situation.
Post # 9
Don’t let him rush you into something you aren’t ready for.
Post # 10
I think the thing with an age gap in a relationship is, you guys have to both be understanding that you will alwys be at different places in your lives. He will be ready for marriage, kids, retirement, etc probably before you will be. These are big things to have to compromise on, but you should both be open and upfront about it now, in case they are dealbreakers. Sounds like you guys are having a great time together though, which is awesome!