(Closed) Unsure of how I feel..

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Personally, I wouldn’t tell anyone we were engaged. And I think I would tell my SO that we weren’t until a proposal (including no changes in finances, etc). Still, I would reiterate to your SO that this is something you want, and not calling yourself fiances doesn’t mean you don’t want to be one, but because you haven’t been asked yet.

Post # 4
Member
3968 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@love108:

sidenote: when i get married, i am definitely getting a prenup.

Post # 5
Member
2759 posts
Sugar bee

Eh, I guess it depends on how you feel and what you want. My fiancé and I discussed getting engaged about 8 months before it happened – and pretty much all that happened was that I asked him to marry me, he said yes, and we were engaged. If you want a big romantic proposal and don’t think it’ll “feel right” without that, then wait on telling anyone until he does it. But do talk to him about a proposal still being something you want – he may take it from your conversation that it isn’t necessary, unless you tell him otherwise.

Post # 6
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I felt the same way about mixing finances as well.   //  I second love108’s thoughts on this.

Post # 7
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

I would still call him my boyfriend. For me, unless one of us has explicitly asked the other to marry them, we’re not engaged. The mister and I have discussed getting married and know that we will but we don’t consider ourselves engaged. 

 

Post # 8
Member
1925 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would still call him my boyfriend.  My Fiance and I discussed getting engaged a lot before getting engaged, and I even picked the ring out and he bought it… but I still called him my boyfriend until he asked.  Although I do believe you don’t need a ring to be engaged.  That said, EVERYONE asked to see the ring when I said I got engaged.  So there’s that.

My Fiance and I talked a lot about combining finances.  We’re both in grad school right now, but when we’re done, he’ll be a doctor and I’ll be a teacher… So he’ll be making  A LOT more than me in the future.  So I made sure that he was okay with that fact, given that I like to shop (not excessively and always inexpensively, I love Target!).  Anyway, we decided to combine finances a week after we got engaged, and it’s working out well!  It actually makes me much more conscious of how I’m spending money because it’s now OUR money, not MY money.  But we don’t need a prenup–neither of us have any money at this point.

Post # 9
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

From how you’ve described things, I wouldn’t call yourself engaged until you have the ring or the proposal.  If he calls you his Fiance, remind him that you’re not engaged yet. 

Post # 10
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would just tell your SO that you would still prefer to keep things the way they are until the formal proposal. That includes sharing the finances and calling each other fiance/fiancee.

Just say your not comfortable until you are 100% at that milestone, in which case it may spur him to act on his promise to propose to you sooner if he wants things to get moving!

Exciting he wants things to happen quickly though!

Post # 11
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t tell anyone you were engaged, I’d wait for him to ask. I can’t imagine many people get engaged without being in agreeance that the other person is the one, their future spouse, etc. But I’d wait for it to be official (if not, when he finally asks and you get the ring, it’s kind of like the cat is already out of the bag).

Post # 12
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee

Hahah, funny you should say that…

 

Due to my job and the guys I run into on an everyday basis, I always say I have a fiancee and wear a cheapie k-mart ring. lol. It feilds a LOT of hitting on (okay some, there are real creeps out there!) and I feel guilty for lying but it saves me soo much time then just saying I have a boyfriend, people take fiancee more seriously. 

I don’t tell anyone I’m engaged or anything outside of customers who are pervy though, I wouldn’t say that if I were you only because it does “let him off the hook” in a sense. I know you don’t need the ring but its what it stands for more than it is a “oh look at my 1.5 carat”. 

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