Unsure of how to feel about new guy?

posted 5 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
2820 posts
Sugar bee

I would try to think about what specific things you NEED from a relationship and then talk to him about what he can reasonably do. It might help to get an idea of what you’re signing on for long term. 

I don’t think it’s “just” the long hours that you’ll have to put up with –  he may never know what his schedule is going to look like until he’s in the middle of it. And even if he knows his schedule he may not know how wiped out he’s going to be by it. So it may be small amounts of time sporadically and unpredictably dispersed. 

But maybe you can find some way to make it feel more stable for you. Maybe more frequent text message check ins would help, or maybe you just need some time. 

Post # 17
3947 posts
Honey bee

Med school is rough on the social life, but plenty of people make it work. If you really like this guy you need to accept that at least at this point in his life he’s not an initiator, but is happy to go along with your plan. But if you’re not getting your needs met and you need someone who is readily available and more of a planner, this is not the man for you.

Post # 18
674 posts
Busy bee

rrowlan6 :  

I think what many of the commenters are trying to tell you, and what you yourself have rightly worked out, is that if your relationship was more established, there’d be more commitment, more certainty and more security. You’d have more of a foundation to be forgiving of his hectic schedule and sporadic communication.

But doing this when you’ve only known him a month and a half is asking too much. You can’t possibly feel happy and secure with how this is going. If he were your established boyfriend and you had to go a week or two without seeing him because of his crazy studying and working, you’d probably be able to understand, as you said. You’d be able to work something out because you are also busy.

But it’s the very early stages of dating, and if he’s not even willing to reply to your texts and give you some kind of communication about his availability, then he is not worth the effort on your part. Sorry. Very busy people are either a) not able to do a relationship, or b) are able to do a relationship and realise that communication is a part of that. So they’d say “Hey hon, I’d love to be able to do Saturday night but I just can’t because it’s the only time I have to study for my test. However, let’s grab coffee after my test on Monday afternoon because I’ll need a little breather.” Something like that. They work with you.

As harsh as it sounds, you can’t look at a guy’s potential in the beginning of a relationship. You have to look at the effort he’s making.

Post # 20
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2029

coffeecakez :  Gotta agree here!  He would make time for you or he wouldn’t be dating period.  


The thing is if he isn’t making an effort now, he will make even less of an effort in the future.

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