Post # 1
I have a little dilemma and I really hope everyone can help me out with this. I’m writing under a different name only because I know some friends come on here and know my account. I have known my maid of honor for about 15 years and she is my absolute best friend. She currently has an on again off again relationship with someone is has been to jail and is struggling to stay off of drugs, as a friend I obviously have a problem with this especially because I have dealt with someone in my personal life who has a drug problem so it hits close to home. I know he loves her but he is very jealous, doesn’t have a job and has a little bit of a bipolar disorder. When he’s “healthy” he’s a really nice guy but when he stops taking his meds he is a loose cannon and at times even goes back to drugs. My problem is do I give her a +1? I have voiced my concerns to her and honestly feel she’s going down a bad road with this guy but she doesn’t seem to understand! I know she deserves to have a guest but I don’t know how comfortable I feel having him at the wedding. If he cleans up his act in the next 5 months then maybe I will see him in a better light but who’s to say he won’t go back to drugs when he’s done it before? I don’t want to give her a +1 and then tell her she can’t invite her boyfriend… I think it’s a little rude especially because she is my Maid/Matron of Honor and in her twisted mind she thinks this loser is the one for her (they’ve been on and off for years). Can someone give me any advice on how to deal with this? I know she’ll be hurt if she isn’t allowed to bring her boyfriend and considering she is my Maid/Matron of Honor I don’t want the one person who’s suppose to be there for me the most being upset the months leading up to my wedding.
Post # 3
I’ve been surrounded by addicts for the majority of my life, so I definitely understand your frustration. I think the biggest thing that would deter me personally from inviting someone with a history of drug use is if they have a habit of stealing to support their habit. My brother and his friends stole and sold off most of my family’s stuff on top of stealing money. I would never invite someone with THOSE habits to my wedding. It’s a tough situation though for sure. That would be the line for me, but if they didn’t steal and didn’t use any substances at my wedding I probably would invite them, especially for your Maid/Matron of Honor. Now, if he specifically had an issue with alcohol I would not invite him if there is going to be alcohol served at your wedding. I’m not inviting one of my best friends girlfriends because she is struggling with alcoholism and I do not want her around a bunch of people that will be drinking.
Post # 4
actually the reason he went to prison is because he tried to steal from a stranger to get drugs but he hasn’t stolen ( from my knowledge) since. He has gone back to drugs a few months ago but says he’s clean now but who knows when or if he’ll go back to it again. He can be very rude to other guys because he thinks THE WORLD is trying to hit on her when often times no one is hitting on her at all. I have a problem with his addictive personality and even seems to be addictive to her. I don’t want to “support” her decision to be with him because obviously he is not well and can’t really give her much but at the same time she’s my best friend and she whole heartedly feels this guy is the one so i’m torn between being logical and saying this guy is a loser and being a friend and just hoping for the best for her. I’m just nervous he is going to say something extremely rude to someone at my wedding and have something happen (also a good portion of my friends don’t like him as well) I know it would mean the world to her to have her boyfriend there because I mean who wouldn’t want their boyfriend at a friends wedding? I just have a hard time allowing it. I am having a hard time liking the guy in general and just completely want him to go far FAR away but it would obviously be rude to not allow her to have a date when everyone else in the wedding party has one I just don’t know how to have a ‘talk’ with her about POSSIBLY allowing him to go without making her think I am once again attacking her about her boyfriend.
Post # 5
I have a friend who is in love with a recovering alcoholic. My husband has known both of them since highschool and I have adopted her as one of my best friends. She is an amazing person who can do alot better but chooses to stay by this guy’s side. She has been through alot though, she was a passenger in a car vs. motorhome accident in highschool where she was the only survivor, she had to go through physical and emotional therapy for awhile. We all look out for her and have a weakness for her. Her boyfriend does as well, he has been her rock. She has her own inner-demon as well. She smokes marijuana sometimes during her down times, mainly during the anniversary of that day when she is emotionally breaking down and I would join her in smoking as a way to keep an eye on her and would talk her through it. It is not an addiction to me and I don’t want it to become one for her. So, I have been monitoring her use of it very closely. Other then those days, she is a very happy person, you wouldn’t even be able to tell what she has been through. I am pregnant now, so obviously I can’t smoke, so I can’t say I am not worried to leave her alone when that day comes again.
They have been off and on for 8 years, but she ultimately goes back to him. Sometimes he gets on a good one and is pretty violent although never abusive to her thankfully. He was pretty rude to me once during one of these days, which almost lead to a fight between my husband and him. I never told her about that. He has been in jail a couple times and is trying, but it is proving difficult. We can’t drink much in front of him and I make sure to keep the fridge stocked with Arizona Tea when he comes over. When my husband goes over to their house and hears the radio blaring, he takes that as a clue to keep on driving. He has lost a few friends due to this.
We had him as a groomsmen, he was on his best behavior and made sure not to drink too much. He might not take care of himself, but he makes sure to try to control himself as to not hurt others. His main motivation to change is her as she will not marry him until he does so. She is everything to him.
If it means alot to her to have him there, I say invite him.
Post # 6
Yuck, tough situation. I might have said to invite this guy if I hadn’t just dealt with a similar situation as a guest.
I just attended a wedding where 3 cousins of the groom (and possibly their mother) clearly had addictions. They were zombies, no other way to put it. Missing teeth, pale, clammy skin, a weird, faraway look in their eyes, etc. They also kept creeping off into wooded areas or in other spots out of site outside. My first thought was heroin, meth or crack.
My boyfriend and I were seated at a table with the cousins, aunt and uncle. Just the 6 of us. I was extremely uncomfortable and wished we hadn’t decided to attend the wedding. We’d already given up our Sunday to drive an hour and a half away and spent money on a gift when money is tight. And then we find out we’re seated with drug addicts? I felt like we weren’t even wanted there to begin with, were just invited as a formality and weren’t even expected to come.
Please think about the comfort of your other guests before you choose to allow this unstable person at your wedding. I think it would be a very good idea to have a very frank conversation with him beforehand and ask respectfully that he be on his best behavior. If he can’t handle having a conversation that, frankly, he’s earned, screw him.