Unsure of what to do…

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 31
Member
701 posts
Busy bee

I do see a faint line as well, and as to “How should I tell my husband?” You just tell him. Don’t seem scared. I don’t really think he has a right to be “terribly mad.” It is what it is, and he was a part of it. And when you tell him, don’t let him order you on what to do.

“He’s said before that I would have to get an abortion if we get pregnant at this stage in our lives, but that sounds awful.”

I would have had a serious problem if my SO said I had to get an abortion in any case. And clearly, you have some reservations about it “but that sounds awful.” So don’t do it if you don’t want to, and let him know that up front. I disagree with PP about “it does not define who you are as a person.” It can haunt you. I had a friend in school who cried in class and spoke out against abortion after having one. 

Maybe since your husband’s comment he has changed his mind or maybe he will when he finds out you’re carrying his baby. Rather than worry yourself sick, I say just tell your husband asap. I hope he is more receptive/understanding than you expect. It may seem really scary right now, but it is definitely do-able, even moreso given that you believe you will have support from both of your families. Good vibes xx

Post # 32
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

i know couples who have aborted because it wasn’t the right time for them. But it was a decision they made together, they both felt it was the right thing to do. I know a couple who are adopting a baby from a 30 year old couple who don’t feel they are in a plce to care for a child but didn’t want to abort. I also know women and couples who have kept the child even though they weren’t sure they were ready.

You need to calmly tell him and have a discussion about what you want to do and what he wants to do. He doesn’t get to make the decision for you but you do need to hear what he wants. If he wants an abortion and you don’t, you don’t have to get one but chances are he will be upset by it and that is ok. Same as it is ok for you to be upset that he wants you to have an abortion. I would take another test tomorrow and confirm before telling him. My dh and I are 29 and 25 this year respectively and have been married for 3 years already and I can tell you we aren’t in a position to support a child right now either. But I can’t tell you what I would do in your position because I hoenstly don’t know. I would like to believe I would keep the child but I don’t know that for certain. I would probably consider adoption over abortion but whether I would give the child up or keep it, I can’t answer that. I am sorry you are in this position and I truly hope you and your husband can calmly discuss it and work out what you want to do together.

Post # 34
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m glad your husband was supportive of you! My first morning tests were never the darkest. Could you/do you have another FRER you could use today? Try not peeing for 4 hours and not drinking (or just having one glass of water or whatever) – that was when I got my BFP and the tests were at their darkest in the afternoons. I know that goes against every bit of advice online, but that’s just how it was for us.. If your FRERs are negative or near-negative now, I don’t think using a digital (less sensitive) is a good idea yet. It could give you a false negative. I do think your test from yesterday’s post is positive, though.

Post # 35
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I don’t know what second line anyone is seeing! that is a negative test, I have taken a few before and they look exactly like yours: negative! good luck with everything, I was really bad about taking the pill too, and now I use the Nuva ring, maybe you should look into other methods of birth control so that you don’t have these kind of issues. 

Post # 36
Member
579 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

IngridS:  So glad to hear he is being supportive… I would take a digital test to be sure… Either way at least you have the worry of his reaction off your mind

Post # 37
Member
3755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Digital tests are less sensitive than the ones you’ve already taken so there’s no point yet in taking one of those. I would continue testing with the tests you’ve been using for consistency. In my experience (and I have a LOT) pink lines on those tests, no matter how faint, mean that there is a pregnancy. Be it really early and not having enough of the hormone to show up all the time yet, or be it a chemical pregnancy. A chemical is when you get pregnant but it just doesn’t stick and if you test early enough you can catch a faint pink line. I’m so glad your Darling Husband is supportive, I’m also pro choice but in my own life I doubt I could have an abortion either. Good luck to you!!

Post # 38
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

That first one is a positive test I’m afraid. Don’t get an abortion unless YOU want it, not your husband. Your needs come first, because you’ll be the one who might be left with emotional regret/scarring if you weren’t all for it. But since you’re married and wanted children in the future, that’s not a bad foundation at all if you decide to keep it! I’ll be having my first child in a 1-bedroom apartment with Darling Husband in August, and many people in the world make do with less! But ultimately it’s YOUR choice how to proceed, and abortion is a valid option too. I hope you and your husband can communicate well on this matter, and please switch to another form of bc for next time if you can’t take the pills daily properly. Maybe an IUD or an arm implant?

And finally, 30% of pregnancies are lost as chemical pregnancies this early on (sadly or not sadly), so this first test is no guarantee of a baby in 8.5 months anyway. How would you feel if you miscarried? Might give some perspective.

Post # 39
Member
9333 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m glad things went well with your husband.

The digitals are less sensitive so I wouldn’t bother with that at this point. I would wait a day or two and test again first thing in the morning with a FRER.

Post # 40
Member
262 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Stanley House Inn

Not all of us are haunted/traumatized/turned into radically bad people by our decisions. Some of us are perfectly at peace with them.

 

OP – I am happy for you. DHs usually surprise us in the most interesting ways! I’m glad you’ll work this out, regardless of the outcome. So now that he’s on board and willing to do what it takes – how do you feel about possibly being pregnant?

Also – my first BFP didn’t show on FMU – but clear as day on the second one.

Post # 41
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

 IngridS:  sorry your going through this 🙁 but I too see the line and although faint its positive. The thing is if your still quite early (I cant remember if you said in your original post if you knew exactly how far along in your cycle you were (missed period etc). I cant go back or I’ll loose this post lol. Anywho sometimes it does take a while to get the dark lines so I would test again (kinda depends on when implantation took place…it can take longer for some).

As a pp said though if your still at the point its a faint line you may not have enough hormones yet to make a digital pick it up (as they are less sensitive because its only a YES or NO answer and there’s a min level you have to have for a yes). With lines at least it picks up a bit and gives you the faint result! Pink lined tests as far as I know rarely give false results and you said there was a line on both. Could it be evap? sure… but likely?…not so sure. I know when you look at a test hours later then dont trust it, but I can tell you that my best friend who also didnt want to be pregnant at the time (and was) took her tests and she was also getting faint lines after 5 minutes and threw them out saying “well thats not real”…. My first 3 (positive) tests also looked like yours. Now having said that, you may not be pregnant and got a bad batch of tests (in terms of evap were they the same box?) There is also the possibility the pregnancy isnt sticking which is why it took so long for the second one to get a line (which is called a chemical pregnancy) …its also very common and if thats the case then it will just pass through you. My advice would be to buy a few different tests (not in the same box) and test with FMU….after 48 hours if your pg your hormone levels should be doubling = lines getting darker, if they dont, then you probably dont have to worry.

hope that helps!

Post # 42
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

montylove:  This is the second line that everyone is seeing.

Post # 43
Member
2606 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree with PPs who said to wait a few more days and test again.  I know people who have gotten evaps with FERS, but it’s also possible that it’s simply so early that it’s taking the test a while to turn positive.  

Post # 45
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

IngridS:  oh my… this is potentially going to stir up this board. I have 3 words to say, “Timing is everything.” 

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