(Closed) Unsure Whether To Include FSIL

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’d probably include her in another role. Maybe guestbook attendant or reader or some other role that won’t give her opportunity for "trying to be funny." Does she want to be included? Or would she be happy to not have something specific to do on that day? Have she or her mom said anything to you about including her? I wouldn’t discuss it with them, necessarily, but decide on your own how you’d like to include her and ask her if she’d be willing to take on that role. Who knows…she might say no anyway!

Post # 5
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I was hesitant to include my Future Sister-In-Law, too. She’s just a very different person from me- thinks gross stuff is funny, is kind of selfish in certain ways, and brags herself up quite often. I kept thinking of my circle of best friends, and thought having her around as a bridesmaid on my wedding day just wasn’t what I had envisioned! You picture the ladies in your life who have been there for you, who understand you better than anyone, and who will make that day really special. I know it was important to my fiance, though, so eventually we decided to include his sister on my side, and my two brothers on his.

It turned out that during our entire wedding weekend, she was the one who helped us set up, helped us lug huge boxes to the venue, and helped us clean up after our wedding. That weekend was so happy and full of love, and either everyone else surrounding me kind of blurred out that disconnect I thought I’d feel with her around. Either way, looking back, I’m glad I asked her to be a part of our wedding. I think if it’s someone you will have to be around for the next 40 years, it’s a good way to start to this new relationship you’ll have with your new family. And this is coming from someone who felt kind of like throwing a tantrum the first time I thought of the idea of including Future Sister-In-Law in my wedding day- I was not happy about the idea at all!

Post # 6
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Well, if the wedding is that far off, I’d try to delay the decision for a while until she has a chance to show that she’s supportive and a little more mature in how she handles herself. Things may change a lot in a year, and you don’t really need to decide anything about this yet. If she asks, just tell her you’re not making any decisions about it until closer to the wedding. As another option, would it be possible for her to stand up on your FI’s side instead of yours? That way she’d be included in the ceremony and such but not have to interact so much with you in traditional bridesmaid roles. My brother is standing on my side as my "Man of Honor" and only attendant (no bridesmaids=no bridesmaid dresses or drama!).

Post # 7
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

It’s definitely not a wedding sin to not include her. Your BMs should be the girls who have stood by you through thick and thin, supporting you as you went through life, and obviously your Future Sister-In-Law is not one of those people, so I would not include her as a bridesmaid.

HOWEVER, that’s not to say you can’t include her in the wedding. =) If you think it would help your relationship, I would definitely think about including her as maybe being one of the people to pass around your wedding rings for a ring-warming (if you’re having one), or wishing stones. I wouldn’t suggest giving her a reading, if she’s not especially close to either your fiance or you…but she could maybe even be a junior bridesmaid (and she doesn’t have to stand up with you). 

Post # 8
Member
51 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I had a hard time deciding BM’s including Future Sister-In-Law too, although she is very sweet. However, when I thought about it, I will be so busy on my wedding day that I won’t have time to worry about them and if it makes someone very happy to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, what difference is it really going to make to me?

So, I think it would be nice if you included her, although it is ultimately up to you. However, for the sake of your future relationship with her, is it really going to be that much of an incovienence to include her? (That’s what I had to ask myself regarding my decision). Why not include her and your 5 close friends, even if it will be uneven, its not that big of a deal.

Well, best wishes with your decision. Hope it all works out for you!!

Post # 9
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think it’s a very nice signal that you’re joining families if you include her.  I also think it is frequently a very loud and clear sign if you exclude her, especially with a bigger bridal party.  If you were having just two people and didn’t have space for her, that’d be one thing, but if you can’t make room for her with 5, it shows you’re not trying.

 I have a little cousin who is being left out of her brother’s wedding party and it’s killing her.  I think it’s putting a strain on the bride-to-be’s relationship with her Future In-Laws.   It’s your choice, but I’d really encourage you to think about how it will be received.  Your Future Sister-In-Law will be in your life forever. 

Post # 10
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I think it would cause less drama to include her, than if you chose not to include her. 

Post # 11
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would first see if it’s important to your FH to have her be in the bridal party, if it is, I would include her for him if not then it’s up to you, if you feel like having her in it is going to be a source of stress then I wouldn’t do it. I think having her do a reading is a better idea than guestbook attendant because I know I would hate to have to stand next to the guestbook and tell people to sign it if they were walking past, I think it would be a very boring job!

Post # 12
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

She’s 18, very young, and would probably feel crushed, hurt, embarrassed and left out if she wasn’t in the wedding party…especially if your brother is standing up on your FH side. Is that worth it?

Post # 15
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

hi gemstone- i didn’t read through all of the posts- but i was in a similar situation, only differences was that the sister was older. my brother is also a groomsman and everything. i did cut one of my very good friends to include her, but i am happy with my decision. she was very excited to be asked, and although we are not that close now, i do hope that we will be closer in the future. she lives across the state, but has shown interest in my planning and i am so happy that i decided to ask her. i really put myself in her shoes and thought “what if i wasn’t included in my brothers wedding”. i didn’t like the thought of that very much. i hope that helps you in your decision and that everything works out for you:)

Post # 16
Member
1455 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

SO FUNNY taht your Future Sister-In-Law said “”I better get to be a bridesmaid.” Because the day we got engaged, MY Future Sister-In-Law said “I AM SO GLAD I am a bridesmaid”… we hadn’t asked anyone yet. So I asked her and we decided to go with SEVEN. I wanted an even # but that was it. Eventually there was drama (I will spare you, bc it’s long, but Future Sister-In-Law is also very over-dramatic and childish and she’s the only girl- so you look at her wrong and she has a grudge) and she talked badly about us and not wanting to be in our wedding. Months went by and I didn’t see her, and I wanted to get an apology from her, work it out, and hopefully have her back in. She was a total biotch to me until I she noticed I was being nice to her, and then she acted as if there was NO problem, and started talking about being a BM!!! After telling her WHOLE FAMILY “screw them” yada yada! So as she complained about the price of a dress I said “That’s funny, because… and quoted everything she’d said. She then threw a scene and hasn’t talked to me since. So of course she’s out.

And… I COUDL NOT BE HAPPIER!!!!

If you don’t want her in it, DON’t. SPARE yourself. Then if she complains, mention the tight group of friends and how you’ve known them so long. Involving her elsewhere is also a good idea. It’s YOUR WEDDING… what you and FH want should happen, not what is “proper” or “nice!”

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