- 10 years ago
- Wedding: October 2009
I feel petty for asking this but I can’t seem to put this aside. In June, we traveled from LA to NY state for my good friend’s wedding. There were a handful of things that irked me as a guest even before we got there. Her save the date was a two sentence email that I archived because I thought that the real Save-The-Date Cards or the invitations would be mailed with ample time to book our travel. The invitations didn’t arrive until about two months before the wedding and they did not provide any additional directions or info for out-of town guests.
We booked our travel on the later side (we stopped waiting for the invites) and when we google’d the city, we realized that there was no train anywhere near the venue. I understand that for many weddings, of course there would not be public transportation, but many of her friends are NYC dwellers (or recently moved), and since there were no directions, provisions, hotels – nothing – for out of town guests we ended up having to rent a car at $120 day (summertime + Fairfield County= expensive) There weren’t any closer reasonable hotels -just expensive B&B’s- so we were staying with friends who were only 20 minutes away – but with no train – we still had to rent a car (cab would have been more). So oh well – not so good planning, I love her, it’s her wedding.
Then this: a few weeks before the wedding she called to ask if I would ask my fiance if he would be their videographer. My fiance is not a filmmaker or videographer – I guess someone told her that he did the video for his sister’s wedding. He agreed as long as she called him with a shot list or an idea of what she wanted (he does not know anyone and doesn’t know the area either). She called a few days before and jumped off the phone in five minutes. The idea was for him to be prepared and get what she needed.
Day of the wedding, we walked 15 minutes to a train, to walk another 15 minutes through traffic in our finest to the car rental, and then drive 20 minutes to the venue. My fiance immediately got on task asking for the camera. No one knew where it was. Finally he found it sitting next to a family member. Being a thorough and kindhearted person, shot most of the wedding. He asked me to point out people and stayed on his feet during the ceremony, the toasts (and so on).
It’s November and not only have we not received a thank you card for being there/our gift, she never thanked him for flying 3,500 miles to be the videographer for her wedding. The last time she called me, I asked if she had watched the video and she said "no, not yet". No "by the way, thanks!" Just "no, we haven’t watched it". Um, okay. I’ve seen his sister’s wedding and some other events he shot – he’s great but even if he stunk, I was stung that she didn’t thank him.
Then I got engaged (yay!) and I called her to say I have good news. A few weeks – maybe a month later – she sent me a *text* saying congratulations. No that was it. Just congrats.
So we’re getting around to our guest list and I just don’t know what to do with her. I know the adult thing to do (and we are grown ups – both of us are no longer 29 🙂 is to confront her but I’ve done this before and she dismisses things. She’s never wrong. On the other hand, she can be a great friend. All friends can’t be what we expect them to be, but I’m feeling a little resentful. My wedding is on the east coast right by the train station – otherwise NYC people *would* have to rent a car and for those of you who live in cities and don’t have cars, you may understand what an extra cost that can be.
I guess nothing will be resolved unless I approach her in a non-confrontational way – but am I overreacting? We spent a ton of money on her wedding – money that could have been saved if she had been a little more thoughtful to out of town guests. And then the free video and no thanks? Ladies, I’m a little stung.