(Closed) Unusual and sad situation with friends.

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 3
9201 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

That’s hard, I’m sorry.  I honestly don’t know what I’d do.  I guess I’d see how Greg feels about it… would he view it as a bit of betrayal if you go?  Or would he see it as you wanting to celebrate a big event in Chris’s life and catch up, without it reflecting on Greg?  Then go from there.  

This is one of many reasons I have a problem with organized religion.

Post # 4
2250 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@MsGolightly:  What a tough situation. I am not religious at all, so my perspective is obviously very different than yours, but I think that I’d speak to Greg again and find out how he feels about the situation. If he goes, you should absolutely go with him and be there for support. If he feels that he can’t go, I would probably skip the event too.

Post # 5
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would go, but share your views on Catholicism with Greg. You want to go to support his brother, but you also COMPLETELY disagree with the brother skipping his wedding, and you like where the Pope is taking the church!

Post # 6
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@MsGolightly:  Oh man, can I ever feel you on the catholicism thing!


I was raised in a Catholic Church, and private school too. I grew up with that mentality too, so I can understand the deep rooted commitment you feel to it, I have the same issues. 


I also TOTALLY agree with supporting people and not judging people based on their sexuality!! There are quite a few things about organized Catholicism that make my panties bunch a fair bit, but this is one of the big ones for me. 


As far as I have learned, the God that I can believe in cannot be all loving and still judge you based on who you love. There a serious flaw to that ideology and I will have no part of it!


Because of that (and a considerable amount of other things) I am no longer part of the Catholic Church. I don’t believe that I ever could be again.


That is how I feel about religion, but how I feel about friendship is different.


I have a lot of pretty versatile friends as far as religion and beliefs go. Sometimes, the beliefs clash and we can’t always agree where we stand on them. It doesn’t change our friendship though. When you go to someone wedding, graduation, ordination, baby shower, whatever, you are saying, to that person and to the worKd “I love you and I’m proud of you and I’m here for you”  You are NOT saying “I believe in every single thig you believe in” 


So the question you should ask yourself is this. Are you still prou of Chris? Feelings about Greg totally aside, do you still believe in and want to be there for Chris? If you do, then go. If what’s changed in him has changed the way YOU feel about him, then maybe don’t. But make sure you’re feeling that way for YOU not for Greg.


It can be so so hard to seperate friends, religion and all the challenges that come with it but it’s doable!


Good luck 🙂


Post # 7
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Is Chris your long-time friend? Yes


Do you want to show your support? Yes


Then you need to be there.  Really, that’s all that matters in the end.  If you don’t, then you are guilty of the same type of judgement as Chris.  And you don’t want to be that person.


Post # 8
133 posts
Blushing bee

Go to it.  It’s not your place to judge his relationship with his brother.  I’m sure Greg won’t mind, just like Chris didn’t mind you attending Greg’s wedding.

Post # 10
293 posts
Helper bee

@lalalyanne:  As far as I have learned, the God that I can believe in cannot be all loving and still judge you based on who you love. There a serious flaw to that ideology and I will have no part of it!

I totally agree, and have had this same conflict internally and within my church. 

Having said that, Chris is making a significant commitment of his own, and I think it’s ok to support his commitment and dedication without supporting his ideals. My cousin is an ordained priest (Church of England) and is somewhat disapproving of me (single parent with a new partner) but still loves me and my daughter. 

As the saying goes, and applies almost inversely here, “love the sinner, not the sin” 

Post # 11
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would ABSOLUTELY not go to the Ordination, because I make a point in my life to not support the kind of actions that Chris thinks are OK. 

Post # 12
7217 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@imabridesmaid:  +1

You say you might not go because Chris is judging your brother, however, you in turn are judging him. I think you should go and support his ordination. I think you can support this step in his life without supporting his actions towards his brother.

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