(Closed) Unusual Situation…Please help me stop being selfish

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3697 posts
Sugar bee

This takes nothing away from you or your joy. How is it a bad thing to have everyone be surprised and delighted by such a wonderful thing? It will make your wedding all the more memorable! This will guarantee that everyone will be rejoicing at what a wonderful, wonderful occasion the whole thing is.

And just imagine, if you were to put your foot down and say, “No, not at my wedding, you shouldn’t be taking the spotlight away …” That would really tarnish your in-laws’ memories of the day. And probably your own.

Imagine that this were your father, rather than your father-in-law. Do you think you would feel differently about it in that situation? If so, then try to put yourself in your FI’s place. This is his wedding, too. Would you deny him the chance to give his father such a special moment and create such a wonderful memory?

Another thing that might help: try to project a few years forward into the future, and imagine yourselves looking back on your wedding from, say, the perspective of your five-year anniversary. Don’t you think it will be nice to remember, “Wasn’t it wonderful when your dad walked down the aisle with your mom?” and not, “Remember how your dad wanted to walk down the aisle with your mom, but we convinced them not to because it would have distracted everyone from our big moment?” Which memory would you rather carry away from that day?

Post # 4
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

One of our flower girls was in a wheelchair.  She’s still years away from being able to walk on her own, but I can only think that if she had been at that point already, it would have been the most magical thing in the world if she had surprised everyone and walked down the aisle instead of being pushed.  I say let him.

Post # 5
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

It will make your day memorable for everyone and yes, they will remember it as your wedding where dad finally walked again.  I agree with OP that it may seem selfish for him to do it now but the memory down the road will be wonderful and lovely with time and prespective.

Post # 6
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This is a really special moment for your Fiance and his family (who will very soon be your family too). It only adds to your day-in no way does it take away from it.

Yes, the spotlight will be on him…for about two minutes. Then you will walk down the aisle and get married, and everyone’s attention will be right back on you.

Weddings are about celebrating love and the joining of your lives and families-I can’t think of a better time for him to walk for the first time. Frankly, I would be really honoured that he thought enough of our wedding to choose to do such a monumentous thing on that day.

Post # 7
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Its a wonderful thing for him to walk again. And it will only enhance your FI’s happiness on the day of your wedding.  

Post # 8
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Remember, a wedding is about the FAMILY as well as the couple.  You’re not a monster for feeling this way, but I do think this is one that you need to move on from. 

Post # 9
956 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My brother was paralyzed for several years before he passed away.  I’d have given anything to see him walk ANYWHERE.  

I’d try seeing it through his eyes.  He has probably waited for that moment for years, and wants to do it at your wedding NOT to get the attention, but to honor such a huge occasion (his son’s wedding).  Personally I think it’s perfect.

Post # 10
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t think it will take anything away from you or your wedding. I think it will be an amazing moment for everyone and they will know how important your wedding was to him to make sure he could walk for the first time in years at it. 

Post # 11
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think it will add to the specialness of your day, the fact that he wants to walk for the first time at your wedding is adorable and thoughtful! You have to think his mind set is probably “I cant wait to show these guys what Ive been working on for their wedding” Its sweet just wnjoy the moment it will never take an ounce away from you and how beautiful you will look on your wedding day or how special your ceremony will be to everyone else!

Post # 12
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh my! Just make yourself stop!!! This is not going to take away from your day. The only thing this may do is make your day even more special.

Post # 13
8882 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I can totally see where you are coming from, I’d probably feel a bit selfish too. But look at the big picture, it’s going to make your day THAT much more special and memorable. Plus it would be such a wonderful thing to happen and for you to enjoy.

Post # 14
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

It will add to the magic of your wedding day! Do not be selfish no need because though people will be happy he is walkign they are truly there to see you!

Post # 15
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Think of it this way- it will make everyone more emotional so that, when you walk in, waterworks everywhere. 

However, I would ask that there be no theatrics. As in, don’t have him wheeled in and then stand up dramatically. Also, make sure that you let him know the length of the aisle. I don’t know what kind of new legs he’s getting, but they may take some practice to get the hang of them and you don’t want him needing a chair halfway down the aisle. 

Post # 16
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

@KCKnd2:  Imagine that this were your father, rather than your father-in-law. Do you think you would feel differently about it in that situation? If so, then try to put yourself in your FI’s place. This is his wedding, too. Would you deny him the chance to give his father such a special moment and create such a wonderful memory?

Exactly what I was thinking.  I rather think if this was your father, you’d feel differently.    Keep that in mind, and let the man walk into your wedding with his wife on his arm.

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