(Closed) Unwanted advice from family

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Your answer is more advice and here it is:

You’re going this alone that’s your first mistake.  You need to attack all feelings between you two (even if only one is affected) as a couple. Tell him your feelings and ask him to help you battle it. It can be serious like when it’s mentioned shut it down!  Or it can be playful like every time it’s mentioned one of you has to do XYZ to or for each other. 

Ex: “if aunt Ann says this before Aunt Jane then dishes are yours tomorrow” or whatever

But combat everything that bothers you as a team

Post # 4
Member
2707 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

“OK, great, thanks! We’ll bear it in mind when we’re booking our venue/florist/whatever.” Doesn’t mean you have to take it into account at all.

Post # 5
Hostess
1476 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

anonkimmy:  What do you mean when you say you, “…feel that it’s as if his family’s opinion is more superior” ?  More superior than whom?  

Also, do you get on with his family alright?  I know that when I don’t really get on well with someone, everything they tend to say rubs me the wrong way whether it was intended to or not. In fact, if someone I liked said the same things, I wouldn’t be bothered.  Bit of a double standard, but unfortunately I’m petty, so it’s true, lol. It happens quite a bit with my FMIL; although she’s a lovely woman who raised my Fiance (and for that I’m grateful), our personalities are like oil and water.

I hope you’re able to find a way to cope without letting this stress you out too much.  I like both of the previous poster’s ideas.  If you need to vent though, we’re here!!  🙂

Post # 6
Member
9026 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

anonkimmy:  but you did ask them for advice and they are telling you their experience. They are trying to be helpful so you do things better than them (saying ask for this because they didn’t and coukd of).

If you are feeling that his families opinions are more superior that is on you. You need to work on your bias and figure out why you feel this way when they are just being helpful.

Post # 7
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I think people are probably just trying to help but might not be delivering it in the best way.

Post # 11
Member
9026 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

anonkimmy:  No misunderstanding.. You asked them for advice. The thing with asking for advice from others is you don’t get to dictate how it is delivered. You asked and they answered. Just because it isn’t what you expected does not negate that you are complaining about people giving you advice that you asked for.

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