(Closed) Unwanted Advice, I guess it comes with the territory…

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Even though I guess I fall in the “get used to it” catagory- I also fall in the you are entitled to vent as much as you want about it category!!! Yes people are going to do it. No, its not going to stop. And Yes, you are allowed to complain about it. Its a cycle. You will get to do it to others when you are much much older, lol.

If might help you “deal” with it as you stated. My mother didn’t come to our wedding- she is bi-polar and she doesn’t like that I didn’t have a catholic wedding. As she won’t get treated she is out of my life. My father died when I was three. My grandparents are all dead. I literally have NO ONE giving me advice that comes from a parent.

My husband’s parents have very little to do with us. His mother has out right told us she doesn’t want us to have children and that she didn’t want us getting married.

What I am getting at is this- You have people giving you advice because they love you!!! So one way you can deal is by thinking of it as their way of saying they love you and their way of still wanting to take care of you. And that love/feeling is really a blessing.

And you don’t have to take advice just cuz people give it. So recongize it as a loving thing and lovingly say No when it suits you 😀

Post # 4
Member
46373 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No matter how we feel about it, we do “just have to get used to it”. I guarantee that you will find yourself in the opposite position someday. You will open your mouth, then hear yourself giving someone unwanted advice.

Funny thing-Advice that we agree with is never as irritating as advice that we don’t agree with.Just plaster a smile on your face and say something like “Good point, I will take that into consideration.”

As the pp has said, these people care about you, or they wouldn’t be bothered sharing their “wisdom.”

Post # 6
Member
407 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I said “Thank you but if I wanted your advice I would have asked for it.” I was a teen when I had my first baby so yeah, I had to be blunt. Strangers shut up and I never saw them again. Family shut up and we’re still family. I say it was a good way to go.

You only have to get use to it if you allow it to continue.

Post # 7
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I find the more you talk about something the more it opens people up to think you are asking for advice or their opinions. I keep pretty mum or give general responses and I really haven’t gotten many people offer “advice”.

Post # 8
Member
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Yup. And then you’ll vent about it to someone, who will tell you that you should do what you want and that you’ll get so much advice but don’t have to listen to it, just to go on and give advice…

For the past year and a half, this has been a frequent convo between me and my mom:

Mom: you should do this

Me: it’s interesting, but I have read that this would be better and it makes sense to me so I’d like to try that

Mom: Oh, it wasn’t like that in my time, and you’re just fine. you shouldn’t put so much weight into advice and just do what you want to do as a mom. if I were you I would do this (referring to original advice)

Me: yeah, you’re right, and I am doing what I want as a mom. Thank for the advice mom.

 

Sooooo…. yeah I guess we just have to get used to it because even when you tell people you’re tired of advice, they think it apply to the whole world except them.

Smile and nod… then do whatever you want.

Post # 9
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@apex:  two DAYS into my marriage, people were pounding me with “when’s the baby coming?”. how did I stop it? I posted on FB in no uncertain terms, telling people to back the fuck off. I am now enjoying bliss.

Post # 10
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@apex:  I’m not pregnant, but two days into my marriage, people were asking if I was or when I was going to start trying. I posted on FB telling everybody to STFU about it. So far so good.

Post # 11
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

One of my close friends had her child 15 months ago, and ever since then it’s been, “That event sounds nice, but you won’t be able to do that when you have a kid!” and “Shopping sounds good, but having a kid changes everything!”

Even when I announced to her, her comment was: “Yay! Your life is going to change, though. Remember that.”

I totally know she’s trying to relate it, and it is a huge shift. It’s becoming kind of a running joke between Darling Husband and I… like, “Really? I thought we’d strap baby to our chest and go skydiving. You mean that’s not kosher?”

Post # 12
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You really do just have to get used to it. There is nothing you can say to make it stop short of being a huge jerkface about it and then who looks silly- you or them? Just smile, nod and keep going. People think they are being helpful or can’t think of anything else to talk about, I seriously doubt people are giving advice to be hurtful on purpose. Be gracious and go about your day. 

Post # 13
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I find what I hate the most is the one upmanship or the “oh aren’t you cute” implications that I’m naive for being excited about something.

For example, I’m 15 weeks right now and made a comment at work about how I can’t wait until I have an actual baby belly not just a cheeseburger/big lunch belly.  And the comment I always get is, “oooh be careful what you wish for (hahahahaha) you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into!! (bahahahahahahaha I’m so hilarious etc etc).

 

I’m always so put-off by these people.  YES, I will be big and fat and huge.  YES, it will be UNCOMFORTABLE.  Do I want to look like i binged on cheeseburgers? not really so let me have my dreams mmk?

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