Post # 1
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
Hive, I’m a wreck right now. Last night I found out someone close to me has the same wedding dress I do. Let me go back in time for a moment. We both got engaged in October, her before me. She went out and found/bought a dress on Black Friday. She refused to show anyone her dress, saying it would ruin the surprise and that her mom wouldn’t allow it anyway. Shortly there after we had a bit of a falling out when I told her I didn’t think it would be a good idea to be in each others weddings. [long story short, she had the thought of “my wedding is first, yours can wait until after to be planned or worked on” and part of the reason we planned a year and a half engagement was so we didn’t have to rush plans and stress] I was very calm and rational with my explanation, and told her I still wanted to help her when she needed me etc, but she completely cut me out of her life. Flash forward to last week. She messaged me on Facebook, telling me she misses me etc and wants to work on mending our friendship. I agree. She’s been one of my closest friends forever. So last night as we’re chatting thru text, our idle convo turned to wedding talk. She showed me a picture of her hair piece, and then we started talking dresses. As she was describing hers, I got this horrible sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I begged her to send me a picture of the dress, even if it was just from David’s Bridal’s website. I didn’t even have to click the link [though I did, just incase] i recognized the description. We have the same dress. I lost it. I burst into tears, and had to explain to FH why I was bawling at 11 at night. I’m not naive, I knew other people would have my dress. However, I never in a million years thought that it would be someone so close to me. I’m mad. I’m mad that she refused to show me her dress when we were still on speaking terms months ago. If she had, I would have avoided that dress. But now we’re both in love with the dress. But I don’t want to wear it anymore. It doesn’t feel like mine anymore. Her wedding is October 1st. Mine isn’t until April 21st. There aren’t many [if any] guests that will be at both weddings, and I can guarantee she isn’t going to use a colored ribbon to lace up her corset back. I know we’ll be different in them. But it just doesn’t feel the same anymore. I’m probably being irrational. I’m just so upset. I feel like my dress has lost it’s sparkle and specialness. I’m going to have to see it walk down an aisle not on me at her wedding. My FH can’t go with me to the wedding, because then he’ll see the dress before our wedding day. I’m going to have to go out of my way to make sure he doesn’t see any pictures on Facebook. I’m going to have to get dressed on my wedding day knowing that her and her husband will be judging me, and thinking “oh honey, you looked so much better than she does” instead of them being like “wow.. she looks beautiful” Same goes for me at her wedding. As much as I don’t want to, I can’t help but think of how I’m going to be thinking “I look better” in my head on that day. I don’t want to tell her she looks beautiful in MY dress. I also don’t want to not attend her wedding. We’ve hurt each other enough the past few months. I know it will mean the world to her if I go.
Has anyone out there ever had this happen to them? Anyone offer any advice?
Post # 3
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
Since you’re not getting married until April, have you considered selling your dress and buying a new one? It’s not an ideal solution, I know, but she doesn’t have time to do that and with a new dress you’ll avoid all that awfulness that you’ve described.
*hugs* Good luck!
Post # 4
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
Wow. I’ve certainly never had this happen to me, but it sounds just awful. Based on the way you are feeling, and the fact that your wedding isn’t until next April, why don’t you see if you can return your dress, or sell it, and get something else? It seems like its going to be a total source of stress, and if you can’t laugh it off and it is going to bother you like this, I would just look again and see if you can find something else. Good luck!
Post # 5
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
@Jenniferk6: my mom suggested it, and told me if I really wanted to we can. But, I don’t want to take the chance of not selling it and forcing my parents to waste money. Besides that, it took me 8 different appointments to find a dress I loved, let alone liked enough to buy. I dont think I’ll ever find another.
Post # 6
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
I’m so sorry this happened. I don’t think being mad at your friend will help anything. She was entitled to keep her dress a secret. I think you should wear the dress – it will look different on two different brides. It’s too bad that your already told your Fiance she has the same dress, because he probably would have never realized it. I think selling it was a good idea, but I also think you could wear the dress, and should if you love it.
Post # 7
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
Then how about taking it to a seamstress and getting it altered significantly enough that you feel better about it?
Post # 8
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
Another thought that just occured to me: if you keep it, can you do anything to it to make it even more uniquely “yours”? Change the neckline, add/remove straps, add/remove/change a belt? Do what you need to do to feel good about this situation – everyone should feel amazing in their wedding dress.
Post # 9
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
I know you are upset but you need to take a big, deep breath and realize that this is fixable. Have you picked up your dress yet? Some David’s will let you exchange it. If not, sell it. I can see there is no way in hell you’ll be happy wearing the dress now. Be happy that it’s a David’s dress, and not a $5000 dress, you know?
Sorry you are so stressed out, it seems your friend is not being very gracious.
Post # 10
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
I think David’s has a decent return policy… see if they will let you exchange!
Post # 11
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
The falling out was due to her wanting to plan her wedding before helping you with yours? I’m sorry, there must be more to it than that. That’s no reason to let a friendship go. Wedding planning is stressful and I can understand why she wanted you each to focus on your own weddings instead of dealing with both. I hope you’re not still upset about that, it sounds like you are. If you can let that go then maybe you can see your current situation with a clear mind and there won’t be a sort of rivalry in the way.
I would be upset too, especially about Fiance seeing the dress. I don’t think you should worry about her husband’s opinion of you, no matter what you wear he’s going to think she looked better, that’s his wife. And your guests won’t remember what her dress looked like. But I get what you mean, losing the specialness of your dress. It may sound silly but it does make sense. The only fair thing to do is either wear it all dolled up with your accessories (your Fiance will NEVER notice unless you tell him, never.) or get a new dress because she got engaged first, had the dress first and her wedding is first. I think the personal touches you add are more important than the dress design itself. There are women on here who wore the same dress – one to a huge wedding in a church and another to a beach ceremony you know? It’s all in how you wear it. Don’t look at it as a rivalry or a competition to look better in the dress. Everyone at both your weddings will find you both individually beautiful. And in 20 years you will love your dress and how you looked in it, regardless of who else wore the same design.
Post # 12
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee
Has it been altered yet? I’ve heard of David’s Bridal doing exchanges all the time- maybe that’s the way to go and you don’t loose any money.
Post # 13
Member
2308 posts
Buzzing bee
I agree, try to exchange it or sell it. When you walk down the aisle the last thing you want on your mind is all the thoughts that you just described circling your head. It’s a really sucky situation to be in, but breathe and think of a solution that would best suit you.
If I were you I’d seriously consider getting a new one, you still have time, and there’s always more than one dress that made just for you. If not I also second the option of altering it to make it even uniquely yours. If so I might consider telling my friend what happen,(after her wedding though) just to take a little more pressure and initial shock of seeing her dress on you on your wedding day.
Post # 14
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
I agree. Try to find a new dress. Maybe if you tell us what dress it is, some of the bees can help you find something in a similar style that will be different enough?
Post # 15
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
@picturemeurs: she knows we picked the same dress. I told her about it when I saw hers. I’m not really sure if I can have much done to it to be altered any differently. I posted a picture of it in one of the other posts I made. If you have any suggestions I’d be willing to hear. I’m already wearing a blue sash in the corset, so that will be different.
