Post # 1
Issue/Problem/Vent/ARGH!!! My wonderful, kind-hearted fiancé gets conned into almost anything and it needs to stop here, with his selection of groomsmen. We recently learned his one cousin expects to be a part of our wedding…as a groomsman, b/c my fiancé, Mr. Hoagie, was a groomsman in his wedding this past August.
My fiancé and I had a horrible experience dealing with his cousin’s wedding. I won’t get into any of the details (there is not enough time or space to tell you), just trust me when I say nearly the entire family was upset and breathed a huge sigh of relief the following morning after it was all done and over with. Since then, Mr. Hoagie’s cousin and new wife have pretty much alienated themselves from us and the rest of the family.
But now we learned the cousin expects to be in the wedding and he is freaking out b/c he hasn’t been asked yet. Mr. Hoagie is now rethinking his groomsmen to try and fit him in (the space we are getting married in is small and does not allow for a large bridal party). I find this absolutely insane. While my fiancé agrees with me, he says he HAS to ask him b/c it is the right thing to do. I even gave Mr. Hoagie options like an usher, or ask the ungrateful cousin to do a reading. But my fiancé is not taking the bait.
I am almost certain we’ll be sucking it up and smiling while cursing under our breath. How would you handle the situation?
Post # 3
If your Fiance really wants to include him, he should be able to. He should choose who he wants to stand with him up there.
That said, if you Fiance really does not want him up there but is being guilt tripped into thinking he should do so, then he does not have to. You FI’s cousin will just have to deal.
Post # 4
I don’t think wedding parties require reciprocity. I just wouldn’t ask him. If I really felt the need to justify my decision, I might get together with him for drinks and explain that my future wife doesn’t have as many excellent candidates as I did, so he had to cut down 🙂
Post # 5
@SapphireSun: I like the positive twist to that! I’ll run that by him.
Post # 6
@DeathByDesign: He said from the get-go no cousin. If he was even on the fence when deciding, I would’ve stood by his side and said sure! The guilt trip is on, and fiance is caving fast.
Post # 7
I kind of get his point to be honest. Its pretty much proper etiquette that you would extend the invite towards the cousin. Just out of respect kinda thing. However I do not know the details, and if they really are as horrid as you make it sound then your fiance needs to be a man, step up to the plate and tell the cousin the reasons why he didn’t want to involve him in the wedding party.
Post # 8
I like Sapphire Sun’s idea.
Clearly there is no such thing as reciprocity in wedding parties , otherwise you would see the same people in all weddings in the same family.