Post # 1
Im starting to plan my wedding after putting it off for months. My mother and I have had a strained relationship and she becomes very negitive, rude and abnoxious when intoxicated (she is also a ‘recovering’ alcoholic). When I advised my sister that I wasnt going to invite her she said she wouldnt be able to attend if I didnt invite our mother as she would be devestated. She said to put her under strict instructions that she was not to drink.
Im torn, I want my sister at my wedding but I dont want the stress or embaressment of having to deal with my mother. I know she would be hurt if not invited but she has issues (asides from being a terrible drunk, she believes the world is ending, the aliens are coming for us, everything is a conspirecy and told me she doesnt think my FH and I will work out). Im seriously thinking eloping is becoming a nicer option.
Post # 3
@kazanne: Welcome to the BEE!
And oh no! This is not a good spot to be in. On the one hand, it’s your day and you want it to go well and be memorable. On the other hand-It’s also your mom’s day as well and she probably would be devestated if she wasn’t invited.
All families have someone who they wish would act differently, and I know it’s hard to not be embarrased by her but there is a way to carry yourself at weddings and she will only be embarrassing herself if she acts out.
Perhaps you can do like you sister says, not allow her to drink-and maybe see if your sister wouldn’t mind baby sitting her for the day to ensure she doesn’t get out of hand too much?
Another question: Would you honestly rather look back on your special day pictures and not see your sister or your mom in them?
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
@veryberry13: +1, you may regret not having your mother attend your wedding. I totally agree with the advice of asking someone (your sister, or maybe an aunt or uncle you trust) to look after your mom and make sure she doesn’t drink. Good luck!
Post # 5
@kazanne: any chance of having a dry wedding? or a small reception? just wondering, I have no idea what I would do in your situation but wanted to put that out there
Post # 6
@HourThyme: +1 I think in your case a dry wedding would be appropriate. Guests can still have a good time at a dry wedding.
However, if you can look back on your wedding day and be ok with not having your mom or sister there, then by all means don’t invite your mom, but could you really handle that? Especially your sister?
Post # 7
@veryberry13: +1 – completely agree. I would ask sister to baby sit mom. It will be nice to have both of them there and you have someone to keep an eye on mom.
Post # 8
I would explain you’re issue with your mum. And see what she says. I’d also ask your sister to “babysit” your mum, and maybe take her home if she becomes too much?
Post # 9
I would suggest that you simply do not have alcohol at your reception. I had a spectacular wedding reception with top notch food that everyone raved over, but our open bar featured only non-alcoholic beverages such as sodas, juices, and iced tea. You could even have fun, “signature” beverages that feature no alcohol. People will still have a wonderful time celebrating your marriage.
Post # 10
@kazanne: fun signature drinks that can be without alcohol…..I had to take a similar approach with someone in my family….. and when it comes to your wedding you need them to know this is serious and there WILL be consequenses. (Mine were I will never forgive you if you do anything to stain my wedding day because of alcohol, you should be able to keep yourself together for one day….the other is harsh but it WILL get some emotion out of them….You will not be a part of your grandchildrens life, I will not subject them to have to deal with “this” kind of behavior, so you better find a way to make it work)
You tell her if she takes so much as one drink she will be escorted out, you tell the bartender who your mother is and not to serve her alcohol …you tell your sister that if its that important for her to have your mom there SHE is fully responsible for babysitting her…..if she says “no”, then tell her your in a bad spot. You dont want to embarass her by asking someone else to do it, but unless she has someone whos agreed to watch her you cant subject your guests to that……so chances are she will eventually agree.