Post # 1
My twin sister recently got engaged and they are going to have the wedding in 2 years time.
We are really close and we tell each other everything…but I heard nothing about the lead up to the preposal…and when I spoke to her about her plans for said wedding…she has specifically left me off her bridesmaids list?
I was honestly shocked. I didn’t expect to be maid of honor or anything….but i didn’t even make the initial thought.
Instead, she said she is choosing her best friend (understandable and totally fine) and…our gay male cousin. Yes….as a bridesmaid.
I just thought that, us being so close, she would have wanted me by her side at the most important point in her life? But im not….
Am I over reacting? I can’t help but feel very hurt at her decision.
What should I do?
Post # 2
You should do some soul searching and figure out why you feel the need to point out that your cousin is gay.
Post # 3
twinnumbertwo : #1–why does it matter that your gay male cousin is a bridesmaid? don’t divert your attention to who she picked, as they’re not at fault in any way.
#2, you are definitely valid in your feelings of being left out of the wedding. it is totally understandable to be hurt and to question your relationship with someone when you’re not invited to stand with them in perhaps one of the most public displays of friendship and support. if anything, I think you should just ask her why she didn’t pick you to stand with her. in most instances, this suggestion would be tacky; however, this is your twin sister and I’m assuming you have an open, honest relationship with each other. probably best to clear this up now rather than harbor years of resentment moving forward.
Post # 4
I can understand why you’d feel hurt. Any chance she is assuming you know you are included? Did she outright tell you you are not? Since you are close I hope this is not a case of who she thinks would throw her the best parties or be in a position to spend money on her. Or be about the infamous matching sides. That would not be very nice. I would discuss it with her.
Post # 5
It is two years away so I wouldn’t get too upset about it yet, has she even asked these people yet? Maybe in her head you were obviously included?
However when you say that you didn’t expect to be MoH or anything maybe that is because when you really think about it you actually aren’t that close.
Also I don’t understand why you think you were owed information on an upcoming engagement before it even happened?
Post # 6
If you’re that close, ask her why. It’s the only way to know.
Post # 7
twinnumbertwo : Was the engagement a surprise? I know it’s technically none of your business but I’d be hurt if my sister was planning on getting engaged and I knew nothing about it, because we talk about everything.
I’d honestly just ask her why she chose to leave you out of the bridal party and take it from there. Perhaps she was thinking you aren’t the “planning type” and wouldn’t be interested, which is really silly but we’ve seen posts on here from brides who are basically choosing the bridal party based on what those people can do for them. Hopefully that’s not the case here, but regardless you won’t know until you ask her what’s up.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
Just ask her!!!! Very simple. Just curious…Why tells us your cousin is gay. Why not just say your cousin. Are you homophobic? Could that have something to do with it? Not sure why you had to point out he is gay.
Post # 9
It seems like there is a major disconnect here between you and your sister, with you considering the relationship a lot closer than she does maybe?. I totally understand your perspective…this is your twin sister whom you consider to be extremely close to you. It’s totally understandable you’d expect someone so close to you to mention it if they thought a major life event like engagement was happening soon (this is something most of my girlfriends talked about with each other extensively…let alone a sister!), and also that she’d ask you to be a bridesmaid.
I’m wondering if she’s upset with you over something or there’s something else going on here to explain the disconnect? This is so strange to me.
Post # 10
Why are you posting this here rather than just calling your sister and saying “What the fuck, sis?”
If you aren’t close enough to call your twin and ask her what’s going on, then maybe you aren’t close enough to be her bridesmaid after all.
Post # 11
So your sister says “I purposely left you off my list of bridesmaids” and instead of asking your sister why, you join an internet forum and want strangers to tell you why and what to do?
Go see your sister. Ask her why. Decide how to respond and how you feel after you hear her explanation and have all the information.
Post # 12
If you don’t feel you can just ask her maybe the relationship isn’t quite as close as you thought…?
Post # 13
Westwood : this
I’m also on team: Why is it relevant what your cousin’s sexual preferences are?
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
twinnumbertwo : I think the reason she mentioned the cousin is to show that her sister picked a gay male as one of her bridesmaids and STILL didn’t include her, I think it all ties into OP feeling neglected. It’s not to shame gay people it’s amazing that yall take that from her post above all else.
OP, I feel you emotions are understandable and I have to agree that the best course of action is to talk to you sister.
Post # 15
Bee, I would be very hurt too— but I would have asked my sister wtf was going on from the get-go.