Unwanted twin sister

posted 4 weeks ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Cortland, NY

Lol guys I don’t think she pointed out her cousin is gay in spite.  Let’s try to think the best of people and give relevant advice, shall we?  I think the point of that is to emphasize that in choosing her bridesMAIDS, she would rather pick a guy than her own twin sister. 

Picking guys is fine, but I get why OP is upset.  I would be upset as hell if I wasn’t picked as a bridesmaid for any of my sisters, and none of them are my twin. 

Post # 17
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

Are you guys identical? I am a identical twin myself. Not sure whether this is true of all of us folks, but my sister and I have a very close bond (almost creepy lol) and I would be pretty pissed off if she left me out of her wedding, especially since she has been planning it in front of me since we were like eight. Your username suggests that you are the “beta twin” (I am too), and that would definitely make it even worse. Sorry you’re dealing with that. Hugs!

Side note: Congratulations on your gay cousin! 

Post # 18
Member
611 posts
Busy bee

My guess is that you think the two of you are closer than she does. I don’t have a twin, so I can’t speak to that, but I do have 6 sisters and all but one (who is estranged from the entire family) will be in my wedding. I’m not super close with the teenage ones, but I value them and their inclusion on this special time for my family, so I prioritized having them as bridesmaids. There’s obviously a huge issue here if your twin sister isn’t having you be a bridesmaid. I would be interested to hear her side of things as I venture to guess you may be missing a huge piece of the puzzle related to your own self-awareness.

Post # 19
Member
9555 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Why does it matter he’s a guy or matter more than if it were another woman? megm1099 :  

Post # 20
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Cortland, NY

slomotion :  Because even the most progressive brides in the world would admit that letting a man in a bridesmaid group is more of a reach than a twin sister, regardless of closeness. And she says she’s always been close with her twin – wouldn’t be such a surprise if they had bad blood. 

But a guy? A cousin? How much closer than you possibly be to a cousin than a twin sister? He’s being picked before (way before, it seems) your twin sister? Seriously? You don’t find that odd?

Post # 21
Member
3294 posts
Sugar bee

MsJ2018 :  Thank you for stating the obvious when everyone else is too busy castigating the OP for a word choice. 

twinnumbertwo :  I’d be upset and I’d ask her about it directly. It’s always your choice if you want to go or not. In your shoes, if I’m being honest I would not go. I don’t like to support people who treat me like crap. 

Post # 22
Member
9555 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

My point is more that your emphasis on the gender of the person who was picked as if it’s even more egregious that she’s picked a man. His being male doesn’t matter anymore to the argument than if he was female. 

 You’re implying it’s even more offensive to OP that a man has been picked because he’s somehow less worthy than if it would have been another woman picked in her place. 

megm1099 :  

Post # 23
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Cortland, NY

slomotion :  Okay dear. XD

Post # 25
Member
762 posts
Busy bee

picking a Male (gay or not) is, let’s face it, more “unconventional” 

yes, technically, the gender of the other person doesn’t actually make a difference to the Issue at hand

But the OP is allowed to feel that her sister going down the more “unconventional” route over picking her is more egregious/more of a slap in the face than picking her own twin. Same way as if the sister had “unconventionally” picked her granny, or her dog to be a bridesmaid over her own twin.

i think that’s probably fair enough lol! 

slomotion :  

OP – talk to your sister. Don’t let resentment build over what might hopefully be a misunderstanding or easily explained

Post # 26
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

My granny is totally going to be one of my bridesmaids! I’m getting so many great ideas from this site….

Post # 27
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Flat out ask her why you aren’t a bridesmaid. I’m an identical twin and my sister did the same thing. And a year into her planning she came clean that she felt obligated to include her now husband’s coworker as a bridesmaid, so I talked to her husband and he didn’t realize how it effected me and he quickly changed the situation and I was included in the wedding party. It may be something that simple.

Post # 28
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

slomotion :  Because whether we want to admit it or not it’s not “Traditional” to pick a guy as a “BRIDES”maid (although it has been happening I guess) and the fact that her sister has done so and still left her own twin out whom she is close to is odd. It just goes to help further prove her point of feeling left out. It is NOT a personal attack on the male bridesmaid.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors