(Closed) unwelcome uninvited guests….

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: am i??
    persianprincess you're a bitch. : (3 votes)
    3 %
    persianprincess you're a reasonable gal. : (97 votes)
    97 %
  • Post # 3
    2281 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Persianprincess, you’re a reasonable gal.

    Good for you, sticking to your guns like that! I think you handled it well.

    Post # 4
    3452 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.  You don’t know the kids.  I wouldn’t want a bunch of kids I didn’t know at my wedding either.

    Post # 5
    1962 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I think you handled that well too. Good luck dealing with them! I hope they don’t just bring them along anyways… : ( 

    Post # 6
    597 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    @persianprincess: Oh you are just being SOOO unreasonable! Not allowing a distant and unpleasent selfish cousin bring her brood of children and their friends to your very private and intimate wedding is just wow. 😉 

    Do not budge woman! She is just over the top crazy and you need to stick with your plans and your contract agreements. Some people don’t listen but tell her if they all show up you may just have to turn them away due to contract agreements. Its the plain cold hard decisions and insanity of planning a wedding. 

    Best of luck! 🙂 

    Post # 7
    705 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I am very chill and try to pick my battles–there is not a lot that would make me lose my shit in regards to this wedding, especially on the day of.  I like to try and roll with punches and make the best of things if I can’t change them.

    I would totally lose my shit if someone brought along uninvited guests, especially after I told them that they were not welcome.

    Speak to your cousin again and make it clear, in no uncertain terms that these kids are not welcome.  It’s not being bitchy to be firm about something like this.

    Here is a good script.

    “Cousin, we spoke the other day but I am pretty sure that you did not understand.  I want to make myself clear.  Your children’s friends are not welcome at the ceremony or reception.  I do not want them there.  Money and space are not the main issues–the issue is that this is family only.  Those kids are not family.  Fiance and I are not inviting our own friends and it’s our wedding.  Your children may not bring along their friends.  They are not welcome and if you bring them then you, your children and their friends will be asked to leave.  Please do not put Fiance and I in that position and leave your children’s friends at home.  This is not up for discussion or negotiation–the subject is closed and I am not discussing it further with you or with anyone else.”

    Do not fight with her–if she starts arguing, tell her that you have to go and hang up.

    Post # 8
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Just gotta say, I love your poll options.

    Stick to your guns!

    Post # 9
    12 posts
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Persianprincess, please see my post also, as we actually have a family feud going over children. I say stick to your guns, the day is all about YOU and your new hubby!!

    Post # 10
    735 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Wow, that’s some nerve of your cousin…

    It’s not unreasonable for you to only want INVITED guests at your wedding!  (Even more so since this is a family only event and you’ve never met these little friends.)

    I’m hoping – for everyone’s sake – that the friends are old enough that they can safely entertain themselves for an evening while your cousin and her children are at your wedding.  Otherwise, it seems as though that branch of the family tree may have to suddenly decline their invitation – because your cousin is a Dodo brain who can’t be  bothered to observe common courtesy.  (She really didn’t think to mention this to you before loading two extra people up and heading off for your wedding?!?)

    If you can’t reason with your cousin, perhaps your aunt/uncle (her parents) would be helpful? (I know that’s hit-or-miss depending on the people… for some of my family it would work, for some… not so much.)  I certainly hope you can get this resolved (quickly!!) with minimal feather ruffling. 

    Post # 11
    3773 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    This actually happened at my wedding, except my aunt/uncle/cousins never mentioned it before hand. So I found out in the receiving line when I realised there was a stranger who had not been invited, had not been asked what their meal choice was, and definately was not on the seating chart (much less a name card). Apparently my 16 year old cousin could not attend a family wedding without her BFF.

    I think you handled it well, anhopefully she drops it!

    Post # 12
    3182 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Those poll options cracked me up.  Totally reasonable!

    Post # 13
    5242 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think you are being extremely reasonable! People cant just invite whomever they want to someone elses wedding!!!

    Post # 14
    1734 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Some people just really don’t get it. Just the other night, my cousin asked if her son could bring his girlfriend, “since [my cousin’s other kid] won’t eat much.”

    Fortunately, this request was made through my aunt, who passed it on to my mom…both of them were like, “Um, no,” and saved me the trouble of having to say “Um, no,” nicely. But some people really just do not get the whole “this is an intimate occasion” and “we’ve paid for a certain number of plates” thing.

    Post # 15
    2699 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    You’re reasonable. Well done for sticking to your guns.

    We sent an invite to a mutual friend but not his very recent girlfriend who we’ve never met. Apparently she can’t come (she wasn;t invited) so he’s inviting some other girl (!!). No asking us…just told us that.

    Post # 16
    595 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    You’re reasonable! I’m not sure where people get the idea that they can pay “admission” into a wedding, but I’ve heard “oh I’ll pay for my chair/food costs” quite a few times when informing people they aren’t invited. I’m sorry you even have to deal with it, just keep hanging in there, and no matter what they may come up with, you are in the right!

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