(Closed) up and down… anybody else do this?

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9 posts
Newbee

I know exactly how you feel. I feel that way with every special holiday or my birthday. We’ve talked about it, and he said that we probably won’t be getting engaged till next year. But I always go through these periods of "I WANT IT TO HAPPEN NOW". So hugs to you

Post # 4
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Aww hugs — just remember, the important thing is you’ve got him by your side.  Enjoy the plans you two have for your birthday and just be grateful for the love!  The proposal will come eventually ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 5
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

(HUGS). 

 I hope you have an exciting birthday.  But I can totally understand the part about being disappointed, if he doesn’t propose.  That’s what you want.

When does he graduate?  Does he have some job prospects lined up?  It might not make you feel better, but objectively, it makes sense to wait until he graduates and gets a job.  And he probably wantsto do it right, and buy a nice ring, which he probably can’t afford right now.  Are you still working on school too?  Will he likely find a job where you are now?  Or is it possible that he’ll need to relocate?  Maybe if you iron out some of those things, and have a plan to support him while he’s finishing up school and looking for work, he’ll be more inclined to want to get married sooner. 

Either way, have a happy birthday.  Try to be happy you have a guy you’re in love with.  Let us know how it goes.

Post # 6
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I know it’s hard.  I think after you’re ready, you want it to happen right away and you don’t want to have to wait.  Just remember that you love him. Worst case scenario, you could propose to him?

Post # 7
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I felt the exact same way for many months (ok…really like a year or so, who am I kidding?)–I would get in a bad mood and be a brat to him before every big event just because I knew that, as fun as it might be, it wouldn’t be a proposal.

Just try to get yourself in the mindset, as much as you can, that it IS NOT going to happen and try to concentrate on other things about the day. That way you won’t be super disappointed if it doesn’t, and be so happy if it does and you were imagining it was just going to be a normal day!

Happy birthday! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 9
Member
81 posts
Worker bee

i’m going through a similar thing!

our 3 year anniversary is in about a month, and i just really don’t want to get my hopes up and then be disappointed.  i think we’re ready and already feel like we are married in a lot of ways, but, i’ve always been ready earlier for all our big steps (using bf/gf labels, saying "i love you," living together) and it takes him more time to realize where we are.  our anniversary came up the other night in conversation, and it was really clear he hasn’t thought about making any anniversary, much less engagement, plans yet. i know he loves me and wants us to get married eventually, and i’m so grateful to be in love with my best friend…but at the same time, it just bums me out that i spend all this time thinking about our eventual wedding and future life together while he isn’t really thinking about it at all…

but, have such a happy birthday!!  

 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
302 posts
Helper bee

hehe you are cute.  it will come.  ^_^  at least you guys talk about it, so there is no worries there.  just wait and let him take his time, but i can totally understand you!  ^_^

Post # 11
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I went through crazy frustration with my husband before he proposed. We had lived together for 2 years and he knew all I wanted to do was get married. Ever holiday and date night was a big diappoint me to me. After he finally proposed, completely out of the blue, I asked him "why now?". He said that it finally dawned on him that not everything had to be perfect… he didnt have to have his future completely planned, he didnt have to have thousands of dollars in the bank… it wasn’t about any of that. It was about spending your life with someone and nothing else mattering. In fact he said it was 2 things that made him "Get on the ball"

1. I stopped hounding him. In fact, I honestly stopped caring. I told myself "if its gonna happen then it will happen, until then i’m making myself happy." I started spending money on MYSELF not on US etc… I guess I kinda pulled away a bit. He picked up on my feelings and realized he truly couldn’t imagine a day without me (trust me girls, nagging DOESNT work with guys.. but make them think they stand a chance of losing you and they will freak out!)

 

2. He was watching the movie Inside Man.. Insider… oh I dont remember the name but its the one with the bank robbers that hold everyone in the bank hostage in black jumpsuits just like theirs then mix in with the crowd when they leave and the main robber stays in the hidden wall space… Denzel Washington plays the cop, Clive Own the thief. Anyway, there is a scene where Denzel is talking about his gf nagging him about wanting to get married… Clive asks him "well why not" and Dezel has a story about how he doesn’t have enough money, cant afford a ring etc.. Clive says "do you love her? then nothing else matters"

 

THANK YOU DENZEL AND CLIVE FOR GETTING MY MAN OFF HIS BUTT!!!! lol

 

Post # 13
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Dude, I totally thought about this yesterday. We spent the day talking about selling his condo and buying a house (we’re tired of hearing the neighbor’s bass through both the east and west walls! Want a detached house!!!), and I kept reiterating that it’s more important to me to buy a house than have a capital W wedding, but adding that it’s not just about me (apparently guys have hopes and dreams of a Wedding too?).

It naturally lead into a discussion aobut money, timelines, etc. I took the opportunity to throw out there that I’d really like to have an engagement party at my parent’s lake place over Labor Day weekend. His response: "Well I guess that mean’s a guy would have to have his ducks in a row, and I totally don’t". Whaaaatttt… I tried to not have a reaction to that, but it was a total bummer. We started talking about getting married last August. Looked at and decided on a ring in late March. I take his comment to mean that he hasn’t done more than that… sigh. I never thought I’d say this, but I just really want that sparkly ring on my hand.

Its really tough to try to put it aside, then talk about future plans with that major detail hanging in the wind. I go through weeks of "it’ll happen when it happens" and then, "but if he doesn’t propose by a specific date, we’re going to have a hard time saving enough money, having an engagement party at the lake, finding the right venue, etc." I also get really anxious.

SO I FEEL YOUR ANGST!!!

Post # 15
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

My guy proposed about a month before our 5th anniversary. We’d been living together for more than 2 years and that last year and a half was agony! I know EXACTLY how you feel about ups and downs. Some months you feel fine, then they are weeks were you are just downright ticked off!

I was just honest with him about timelines (want to be married before kids and kids before 30) and also tried to be honest – but kind – when I was irritated that he hadn’t asked. He would ask why I was in a funk and, if I thought he’d handle it well, I’d tell him that I was just bummin’ about not being engaged yet & it would pass. 

Like lilcfitness said, nagging so doesn’t work. My Fiance always said, "Do you want me to ask because I’m ready & love you? Or just so you’ll shut up?"  But I did tell him that, while I was respecting his wishes to be ready, meet his goals, etc  he also needed to be sure to respect MINE and not take my waiting for granted and expect me to be cheery about it all the time. 

I’m glad you had a good birthday and keep fighting the good fight! When the day comes it’ll be so surreal and wonderful — you wouldn’t want it any other way!!

Post # 16
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

P.S.  TWICE he gave me a ring (not engagement) for anniversaries. IT WAS HORRIBLE. I cried the second time and not out of happy tears. Tell your man to watch those cryptic statements — you’ve got rings on the brain and it’s just cruel to say stuff like that

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