(Closed) UPDATE

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

Ya i still would be ticked lol.  His reasons are still not that important.  Do you need the massive proposal or do you just want the committment? For me i just want the committment so i dont need him to be secure in his job field. 

But as long as your ok with the timeline then just make sure he stays with it!

Post # 4
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Rush1986: I agree. I feel that if it’s the committment that you’re after, it shouldn’t really matter what’s going on in his career. But, what do I know. 😛

Post # 6
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Rush1986: I agree with you. Personally the commitment is the most important thing in my opinion, not a flashy ring or big elaborate proposal. And I know men like being stable before they get married. But aren’t you already living together? If yes, what made him jump into that so fast without being stable first? If he can live with you, then why can’t he just sign the paperwork that says legally you’re his life partner since he’s already shown with his actions that you are? I don’t think the “I’m not stable enough” excuse is good enough in this situation.

Post # 7
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Tarheelgurl:  totally agree. if he can live with you, joining your lives together. why is getting married a waiting game for him? technically you are doing everything as a married couple now, signing a license shouldnt take elaborate planning and what he considers stability.

this all ties in with what i said in the other thread about living together before marriage though. none of his reasons to wait are valid, i doubt every couple who weds is in top notch financial condition, Fiance and I arent. jmo

Post # 8
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Agree with what the ladies said above.  And if you were to get engaged in the next year or so, you’re still planning on getting married in another 2 years anyways, so it’s not like it’s a huge rush.

Post # 10
Member
580 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Gingernx01: I hate men! No jobs are ever 100% secure. I understand getting yourself set up for life, but ANYTHING can happen, and I bet if something happened to us tomorrow they’d regret not proposing sooner. Blah. Maybe a bit of an extreme example, but you know what I mean?

Post # 11
Member
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I was going to post in your previous thread but I would’ve just been repeating other Bees.

I’m really glad that you managed to have a productive discussion with your SO about your marriage timelines.  Its a really tough topic to bring up, but its also sort of the first test in how a couple can communicate their needs with one another, respect those needs & reach a compromise.  Very useful skill to have in a marriage, IMO.

Also, its very typical of guys to not totally understand what goes in to wedding planning.  There’s another Bee on this forum who’s SO was shocked to find that many venues were booked for their already-set date a year away.  Even my Fiance is dragging his feet with planning.  He only started to clue in when I told him that we can’t use one venue idea he had, a famous museum in our city, because it books FIVE years in advance.

 

Post # 13
Member
298 posts
Helper bee

@Mrs.SleepyKitty:  LMAO at your “I hate men” comment.  Too funny!  Yeah, men suck!!!

To the OP, 5 months into my relationship, I asked my SO when would be a good time to get married.  He said he has to be done with school first, which was 3.5 years down the road!  I bit my tounge to avoid “pressuring” him but I panicked.  I will be 35 when he graduates, and who knows if my ovaries are too dusty to give him any kids by then, assuming we start trying immediately after grauduation/marriage?!?!  Best case scenario would be that I get pregnant right away, give birth at 36 and if he ever wants any more kids after that, it would be a gamble.

About 3 weeks later I told him about my worries.  I told him at this point in my life, it doesn’t make sense to make everything so linear.  I asked him if it’s possible he can go for his degree AND get married/try for a child at the same time.  He’s only in school 3-6 hours per week.  Why can’t he have a wife while he’s in school?  He said he would re-consider.  When I told him about my declining fertility after age 30, he said he would give it some thought.

I also had to go out on a limb and tell him in a vulnerable way that if a man needs 3+ years to decide if he wants to marry me or not, it will affect my self esteem because I won’t feel like he’s excited to marry me.  He saw things from my perspective and he will probably propose in the next year now, and definitely before our 2 year anniversary, given my age.

How old are you?

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