Post # 1
I wanted to make another update post because so many of you were asking how everything is going. Firstly, thank you for caring and reaching out to me. It means the world to me with what is going on in my life.
I plan to start the paperwork for the divorce in two to three weeks. I am going to do it myself and file at the court since we have no possessions together and no children. I plan to stay with a good friend and coworker of mine who graciously opened up her home while I serve papers.
DH finally has realized something is not quite right as of these last few days. He woke up Sunday afternoon and took his car keys and just left. Refused to tell me where he was going. He comes back and tells me that I never tell him where I’m going so he didn’t tell me where he was going either. This is comedy gold. The man (boy) sleeps until 3 PM and I don’t wake him up when I go to Target with my girlfriends. What a joke.
We ended up having a conversation on Monday which included him telling me essentially he doesn’t respect me because he doesn’t respect himself, he won’t go to a marriage counselor because it’s all “hocus pocus” money sink, etc. He suggested that I work less so we can do more stuff together. Because apparently he can’t work around my schedule when he goes to work one day a week for less than 4 hours. I’m really starting to see more and more how desperately he needs to seek counseling for himself.
My friends and my family are keeping me sane. I have some days that are harder than others but I’m figuring it out. I ended up getting chest inflammation and thought it was a heart attack. The doctor thinks it’s from stress. So I’m on muscle relaxers and a very high dose of NSAID. Otherwise I am feeling good and feeling more and more reassured of my choice. I am looking forward to being my own boss and only having to worry about myself and not have a narcissistic husband hanging over me at all times
Currently just contemplating how to tell him and serve him papers.
Post # 2
Also, my mom is renting a car to help me move stuff up to her house and make sure I make it okay. I would be so lost without her.
Post # 3
Seems like you’re moving in the right direction. How the hell does he work once a week? Stay strong, bee. 💕
Post # 4
welikeshinystuff : I’m so glad that you’re doing what’s right for you. xoxo
Post # 5
You got this ❤ I’m glad you are getting away from him. He’s not good for you in any way.
Your story sounds so similar to mine that for the first time, I actually see why my friends and family were relieved that I could never marry my ex.
Post # 6
Definitely divide take your money and valuables before you serve him because that will be a very ugly day with a narcissist. PM me if you need to vent and/or I have an awesome support group on FB I can add you to for divorced ladies in the 20s/30s.
Post # 7
I’m glad that you’re able to realize that this is not right and do something to move forward. Good for you! When it gets hard, just think about where you could/will be 2 years from now.
We’re proud of you and here for support if you need it! ❤️
Post # 8
Was he working a full time job or in school when you got married?
Post # 9
Good for you bee! You’re a tough cookie, i hope you’re really proud of yourself for making the decision that is best for YOU! I second the PP who suggested splitting your money before you serve him. If he has control over all the finances, he will make sure you dont have access to anything without a real fight. I would suggest opening an account in just your name and transferring some money over just before you serve him. Don’t be greedy, just take what you’re entitled to. Also make sure your pay cheque is deposited into the new account.
As for serving him, you can do that however you’d like. You can have a sit-down conversation with him where you explain that you’re unhappy, that his inability to empathize with you and reluctance to attend marriage counselling has stayed any efforts you’ve made to mend the relationship. You dont have to sit him down and talk to him about it, but I know I would feel better knowing I at least tried to have a convo with him. If he blows up or wont listen to you, thats on him and theres nothing you can do at that point.. just serve the papers and be done.
Post # 10
I’m all for working on relationships since mine was plenty hard the first 5 years like many are, but I think you are doing the right thing by moving on. I’m sorry things haven’t gone easier.
Post # 11
OH, thank you for the peek into what my life would have been if I had followed up on marrying the first loser I was engaged to.
A peek into your future life: if you believe in yourself and apply for good jobs, you can purchase your own home in a few years, maybe ten. You will find a guy who is as driven as you are, and you will realize that a partner who has ambition is what you wanted all along. You will travel together, laugh together, and do things together!
Run, don’t walk away from this free loader!
Post # 12
justwaiting1230 : He gets VERY lucky with jobs that are incredibly laid back. He can do work from home but never does. Ever. Lol.
danakxox : Luckily our finances have always been separate. I have always had a separate account and so has he. The major thing I want is the car I drive that was acquired before marriage and it is technically his. I don’t want his money, just give me the car and we’ll call it even! We will see how that goes. I figure that’s fair enough. And if he’s going to be horrible about it I’ll just request we go halfsies (he’d get more screwed over in this regard and I hope he sees this and will just let me have the car I’ve been driving.) I’ll keep you up I date about this in a few weeks lol.
mrscb2bee : Yes! Honestly this is the biggest thing that keeps me strong and keeps me going. Just remembering why I am doing this to begin with and how much more improved life will be after the hard parts are over.
Charliejeorge : Thank you for the advice. I think I am going to sit him down and have a discussion about why I am choosing to leave and tell him I don’t intend to screw him over and what assets I plan to take, then move into my friend’s place for the time being until I am ready to transfer jobs. Luckily it’s easy to get transferred in my corporation. I think if he gets nasty I’ll just take my stuff and leave and serve him. 🙂 Thank you for your advice!
Post # 13
Just another quick update:
I spoke with another branch at my company and they said they’d love to hire me on full time, just keep them updated on my timeline! This is great news!! This means I keep my seniority and all of my benefits as is.
This also alleviates my car situation if DH declines to give me a car. I still plan to request just a car and keep our finances separate, but I have saved enough for a down payment on a used car, divorce filing fees and have emergency money just in case.
I am starting the paperwork within a week, plan to tell him in about two weeks and will be staying at my friends until I transfer.
Getting excited and nervous. I just keep coming back to my threads with all of your words of encouragement on my hard days. : )
Post # 14
Looks like you did everything right right and this your last option. Great news on your job update!
Remember we are all here rooting for you. It will be very difficult but think of what your life will be like once it is done. So many wonderful opportunities await you. Keep us updated! Gia xo
Post # 15
welikeshinystuff : I just wanted to say you’re handling this all brilliantly. I’m excited for your future!