(Closed) (Update 3) SO of 5 yrs broke up with me- I'm not 'the one'

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2612 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

You did the right thing! I have been in a very similar situation, though never engaged before now with FI. After my last breakup I was single and lived alone for 5 years. It wasn’t bad, let me tell you that it can be a great time in your life. Learn to be a strong independent woman and someday when you’re ready you’ll find the right guy. Could be sooner than you think, but don’t rush it. Give yourself time to get past this, but I think you’re doing the smart and right thing here. Time to move on, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. 

Post # 4
1033 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@AussieSummer:  Aw, well you should be proud of yourself for taking that step. 

Just remember to keep breathing, keep your head up and focus on you. You’ll find the right person when you aren’t looking for it, so just focus on you and the rest will come with time.  *hugs*

Post # 5
8044 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

You did the right thing. And you will find someone… 21 is just a baby. You’ll be ok! <3

Post # 6
1722 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

O I’m glad you did that!  Hold your own and stay strong girl, things WILL work out for the best.  Don’t be afraid about finding someone new, I know it’s said all the time but you will find someone when the time is right.  Go out and have fun, just live life and focus on YOU.  Good luck and be remember to be happy!!!

Post # 7
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

21….you are still a baby! You will find someone more easily then you think and you will find the right someone. Someone considerate and mature and then you wont feel like you are settling, because you dont need to. Life is to be lived….enjoy being young and free and the rest will work itself out when you are not looking xxoo.

Post # 8
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

U will find someone who will cherish you like no other. You are 21 yrs old and i know it hurt for any female to go through that. I know exactly where u are coming from. I been there in a relationship for some years from age 18yrs until 26yrs. Went through not having answers to finding out he was cheating finding out he had a baby on me. Thank god I didn’t have kids with that jerk. I got myself together was strong about and When I turned 27yrs I meet now husband we got married sept 7th 2013 and we have a 4yr old son together. I felt the same way u do i was thinking I was too old and scared of starting over. I didn’t want to open my heart to another man afraid of being hurt. But god has the best for you just wait pray and you shall Believe. Be strong sweetie!

Post # 9
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013


Dating at 21 is PRIME TIME! I look back fondly on the time when I started dating after breaking up with my high school ex. I had tons of fun, learned so much about myself and eventually met the amazing man who is now my husband. 

Moving forward from this will have ups and downs, but you will get to a better place. 

Post # 10
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Sorry to hear that! Take some time and be single for a while. It is always good to get to know yourself again after a breakup. Time heals and when the time is right that perfect someone will wander into your life. For now I reccomend some good movies, ice cream, and plenty of ME time! You did the right thing and should be proud of yourself for handling the situation like a mature classy woman!

Post # 11
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Savannah, GA

Dating at 21 will be much better than dating at 16.  You are so, so young.  I know it doesn’t feel like it.  Don’t worry girl.   Years from now you will be so glad this relationship ended.  I’m so glad you’re healing and ready to move on.  My break up around that age was drawn-out and incredibly painful because I didn’t move on as easily.  I now have nightmares I am still with that person.  My life would be so incredibly different, for the worse, if I ended up staying with him.  I now have a fiance who is beyond what I could have ever imagined.  You’re doing the right thing. 

Post # 12
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I was with my exH from 17 to almost 38. The time being by myself was a great time for me. My friendships grew…I enjoyed life…I did things that I had always wanted to do(without listening to him complain or stopping me).

Join a group that does something you enjoy….arts, books, poetry, sports…whatever. You will meet tons of people that way but just let friendships develop for a while so you can heal and be ready for your next relationship.

Back to me…it’s been 6+ years since my ex left. I spent two years doing what I suggested above. Now after 4+ years I’m getting married again and he is…well…awesome!

Post # 13
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Oh and now that you have your stuff and he has his…go NO CONTACT! There is nothing worse than to be strung along while he does whatever he wants. Remember how good you felt this morning…keep that!


Post # 14
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@AussieSummer:  wish you were here, I’d hook you up with a great guy. Many guy friends of mine don’t know if they’d ever find someone and honestly its sad cause they have never even had a relationship.

Try online dating perhaps? Its worked out for many of my friends who were to shy to initiate in person.

Post # 15
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I feel your pain – I have been there.  My HS boyfriend and I dated from 17-24.  He broke up with me right after we graduated from college (so your age), and ended up getting back together for 3 more years (!).  It really was over the first time we broke up, and we shouldn’t have gotten back together.  Honestly, part of the reason I wanted to stay together was because of how scared I was of getting out there and finding someone else.  Sad, but true.  (So glad I didn’t MARRY him for that reason!)

Breaking up at 24 was the best thing ever, in hindsight.  Scary?  Yes.  But I spent the next 2 years doing my own thing and being totally independent.  I met FI when I was 26 (almost 27), and we’re getting married in May!  (I’ll be 29).  Was this timing how I thought things would work out?  No….I thought I’d be married by 25.  But looking back, I am SO thankful for the way things turned out.  Through my 7 year relationship with my ex, I learned so much about what I wanted in a relationship (and what I DID NOT want) and that made me able to lay a really strong foundation with FI when we met.  I had time to be independent, and to really get to know myself.  The person you are now at 21 is SO different than who you were at 16, but you probably don’t even realize it!  That happens when you’re in a relationship for such a long time during your major “growing up” years – I know that was the case for me, at least.  It was awesome to learn who I really was when I was single – what I loved to do, things I wanted to learn, do, be.

I know it’s tough today, but please don’t feel too scared.  When that BF and I broke up, I told myself this: I have one week to feel sorry for yourself, eat ice cream, watch trashy movies all night, cry, be pitiful, do whatever the heck I want.  I have six months before I even THINK about dating – because I’m not ready for it before then (and maybe not even then).  That made things seem easier right off – like, I had given myself permission to not think about dating for six whole months…as opposed to freaking out about it now, on top of everything else I was dealing with in terms of a breakup.  It was relieving.  And guess what…by the time six months rolled around, I actually was ready to think about dating!

So hang in there…I know it’s tough, but it will get better!!

Post # 16
1272 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1994

You did the right thing!

I had an ex where I didn’t get any answers, and it was frustrating. But I eventually moved on from it.

Glad to hear you are starting to feel a little better.

You will for sure find osmeone who is right for you.

If you aren’t good at meeting people, you might try online dating when you’re up for it. I did that. It was fun, and I really enjoyed it. I eventually met my husband online (okcupid.com). Just try and be smart about safety if you decide to!

I found getting back in the dating pool after a break up with a long term (ex)boyfriend was a good distraction for me. Even if the next guy isn’t ‘the one.’


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