(Closed) (Update 4) SO of 5 yrs broke up with me- I'm not 'the one'

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
1320 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@AussieSummer:  I went through a bad break up that split up a small group into two sides. It sucks, but it happens. One of you will probably have to find a different small gruop or church to go to. I ended up moving so it didn’t matter anyway. But one thing is for certain – this guy’s actions speak LOUDER than his words. Don’t listen to what he says, only what he does. He hasn’t done anything to show that he wants to be with you. Move on! You’re better off without him. I know it is hard now, but cutting off things cold is the best decision I ever did with my ex.

Post # 33
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I was worried this would happen.

However, in the long run it’s probably a good thing that you met him. Now you know that things are not going to change, he’ll keep being “unsure” about you, and he’ll keep trying to string you along. He’s shown his true colours since the break-up.

It’s probably for the best that you cut off contact with him for good. Whenever I’ve had a break-up, I’ve found it helpful to get rid of stuff that reminds me of that person (gifts, cards, photos etc.). It feels good to “cleanse” your personal space of that stuff and start a completely new chapter.

Also, you mentioned that you’re scared of the prospects of dating in your 20s…. but let me tell you, dating as an adult can be so much fun. As an adult you’ll get to go on romantic dates at nice restaurants (at least, that’s what a gentleman will do when he’s trying to impress you), whereas when you’re a teenager you just kind of hang out.

It might also help to keep in mind that most people don’t end up marrying their first boyfriend/girlfriend, and most people are very happy that their first relationship didn’t last. I think a lot of people who’ve only ever dated one person end up wondering what else is out there and feeling that they’ve missed out on exploring relationships and dating in their youth.

This guy has done you a huge favour by breaking up with you, even though it doesn’t seem like it now.

Post # 34
2563 posts
Sugar bee

@AussieSummer:  takes sides? Seriously who does that past high school? Ugh, i am so sorry! People need to grow up and if they make you feel that way and “shun” you then they really arent people you want to be associated with.

Im not really sure of what the point was of that conversation was he had with you. I guess he was hoping you would get some closure, but that doesnt seem the case. My advice, just cut him out. Eventually it will get easier, i promise.

Do things for you. Join an art class, a running group, a gym, a class at community college in something that is interesting. Just do something to get your mind off him and meet new people 🙂

Post # 36
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@AussieSummer:  Ugh, why do you keep letting him do this to you? He knew before your talk about what you want that his mind wasn’t magically going to change. He’s trying to string you along, partially to feel powerful, and partially to try to get you to somehow slip up, make him feel less like a jerk than he is. 

This guy is not changing his mind any time soon. If we was going to wake up and truly want you, he’d have figured it out already. Now it’s up to you whether you’ll let him drag you through the mud more.

And if your friends are dropping you just because some ass broke up with you, it indicates two things: 1, they aren’t true friends, and 2, your ex has been spreading crap about you.

Post # 37
796 posts
Busy bee

@AussieSummer:  I’ve been wondering how you went, and I’m so sorry that it didn’t turn out how you were hoping 🙁

I feel like he’s playing with your heart – wanting all the same things but still saying he doesn’t want them with you, it’s just cruel. I think it’s time to cut him off completely – if you stay in touch, he will keep doing the same thing over and over, you’ll get your hopes up to find that things are still the same. It’s not fair to you at all.

I too have trouble making new friends, but I’ve found a new friend through work. If this is not an option for you, why not take up a class? You could try Zumba or yoga or something like that – group based so that you get to meet a variety of new people. Plus it’s something to look forward to every week.

I find it disappointing that your group of friends have decided to take sides – if you and your ex can be civil while in the same room, I don’t understand why they feel it necessary to act like a bunch of high schoolers. It’s just sad – you haven’t done anything wrong and you don’t deserve that.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, I thought for sure he would have had some kind of epiphany and realised you were made for each other. I guess it’s better to not be with someone who is so unsure about what he wants – as much as that hurts.

Sending you hugs.

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