(Closed) Update

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
3457 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@mxpinky: I’ve not done counseling myself, but I imagine it would greatly vary based on the person and to an extent, the counselor.  What I can tell you is that a friend of mine went to counseling about his relationship with his wife and he was told to make a list of the pros and cons about the relationship.  He did not this that was the greatest approach to the situation, so ended the therapy after only ~3 sessions…  Clearly, approaches vary greatly as well, so I’d talk to your SO and ask him if he thinks he’s making progress and if he is satisfied with the approach.

Post # 4
297 posts
Helper bee

@mxpinky:  My guess is that the counselor wants to go over the “bad” first because he/she wants to talk through, figure out, and tackle those issues (and possibly turn them into positives!).  Then, he/she can present your SO with all the wonderful things about your relationship.  I agree to some extent that it may be best to tackle the issues first. 

The issues are gonna be there whether he proposes or not, so it is a good thing that the counselor is trying to help him through them.  I know it sucks…I would HATE for my SO to be probed about any negative feelings about our relationship.  But try to think of it as him “tackling” them and then after that happens, he will feel more comfortable with everything and it will be so obvious to him that he should propose! 

You are giving him a great gift by being patient, encouraging him and supporting him through counseling.  Men who are afraid of commitment often need tough love (telling him he needs counseling and being firm with wanting to get married), but they need special care as well (being patient and understanding.) 

Not an easy road, but he is AWESOME for going to counseling and being sweet to you on top of it- he loves you a lot.  Stick with it girl!

Post # 5
272 posts
Helper bee

how long have you been together? And what are the main issues? I think it would be easier for us to give feedback with this information

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