Post # 1
Here is my original thread: <a>http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/im-that-girl-now#axzz2XqcVPp8x</a>
I just got off the phone with him. I knew I wasn’t going to see him until tomorrow and I didn’t want to wait that long, so we talked on the phone.
I talked to him about the issue at hand, and he started apologizing and crying like I expected. He said that he didn’t tell me about bringing the girl on the hike because he was afraid of my reaction (meaning his original excuse of “I didn’t tell you because I wanted you to ask me about my hike” was a lie). I explained that if you’re considering hanging out with someone of the opposite sex whom you used to like, and you’re afraid that your SO would be upset if they found out, you probably shouldn’t do it. He rationalized that he only invited her because a) he didn’t want to go alone and wanted someone to talk to, and b) he’d invited a male friend too, but the friend supposedly backed out at the last minute.
However, he also kept changing his story. For example, he first blamed me for not wanting to talk about the issue (I didn’t talk about it for a few minutes after I originally found out because I needed time to think about what to say), then he said that HE didn’t want to talk about it because he was too afraid.
I mentioned in a comment on my previous thread that I found out (from a source other than him) that this girl was there when my BF went to the river and 4-wheeling with his male friend 8 days ago, and that he was the one who drove her there. When I first brought this up to him (just the fact that she was there, not the fact that he drove her), he said, “Well, I didn’t invite her or know she was going to be there.” Then I asked him, “Really? Are you sure you didn’t drive her there yourself?” He kept avoiding the question, but after I asked him 3 or 4 times, he admitted that yes, he did drive her and therefore “sort of knew she was going to be there.”
So maybe he didn’t exactly plan to hang out with her alone, and maybe he seriously somehow didn’t know it was going to hurt my feelings, and maybe he doesn’t have feelings for her anymore (he claims he doesn’t). But I still think it’s extremely fishy how different parts of his story don’t match up and how he keeps changing his story. His excuse for that is that he can’t think well when I’m mad at him. He also keeps making it sound like I have no right to be mad.
We’re going to meet up in person in about 20 minutes and we’ll talk more then.
Post # 3
I agree with you that if he felt he had to keep it from you because you would be upset that it’s something he SHOULDN’T be doing. He sounds like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
Post # 4
@MissZeppelin: Good luck OP! It sounds super shady 🙁
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
Good luck! I hope it goes okay.
Post # 6
@MissZeppelin: Red flags, red flags, red flags. He is lying to you about a female that he has previously had feelings for. I am sorry and maybe this is just me, but I have never had a crush on someone and then went on and had strictly platonic friendships with them where I had no feelings towards them. If you are attracted to someone, you are attracted to someone.
He sounds a lot like my ex and I am so so sorry you are going through this. We would always have situations similar to yours, and he would lie and lie some more until I finally had to beg the truth out of him or find out on my own. Once a mutual friend let me know that he was groping another girl’s boobs “jokingly” when they were all at a park, and after he lied about it and kept giving me different stories he came clean… and then blamed it on ME because I apparently didn’t let him spend time with his friends. Which was crap. I am not saying he is cheating, but I am saying he has severely damaged the trust in your relationship by lying about a girl he has a past with and I just feel like he is taking a trip down a very dangerous path.
Good luck to you. Trust your gut instinct. We are here for you.
Post # 7
@MissZeppelin: If nothing happened, I don’t understand his hesitation to be honest with you about the instances he has hung around this girl. It’s a little fishy if you ask me…
Post # 8
@MissZeppelin: None of it sounds great. I hope your talk goes ok, and I hope that you put yourself first and don’t let him away with this shady behaviour! Let us know how everything turns out.
Post # 9
Good luck with your talk. This behavior of his is not the way to build a solid foundation for a relationship in the future. I believe you should still be in the ‘honeymoon’ phase even after 9 months.
Post # 10
Yah you need to listen to your gut on this one. He’s being extremely shady. I wouldn’t tolerate this behavior whatsoever. I’ve dated my share of shady men and this guy isn’t worth your time.
Post # 12
So sketchy!! Even if he hasn’t done anything physical, he’s at the very least testing the waters. He shouldn’t have to THINK about what he has to say! The truth is the truth and you can just SAY it!!! If you have to “think” about it first, it’s because you’re making it up.
Gpod luck OP, I hope everything works out for you!!
Post # 13
@MissZeppelin: I just think he is very immature. Even if he isn’t cheating per se, he’s sneaking around. This isn’t something that a mature guy in a serious relationship would do. The fact he knows it’s wrong on some level and that you’ll be upset speaks volumes. I don’t get why this chick is important to him enough that he is jeaopardizing what he has with you. I would let him know that this is absolutely unacceptable, and if he does something like this again, I would get out.. it’s just not worth dealing with this sort of crap before you’re even married.
Post # 14
I would go with your instincts on this one. Even if he hasn’t technically cheated, all the lying and putting himself in the way of temptation is not worth putting up with.
Post # 15
Ah yes, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck… Trust your gut on this one. Really – will you ever be able to trust this guy?
Post # 16
@MissZeppelin: Wow. I really can’t do anything, but be blunt. You are making excuses for a liar and cheater (or future cheater). You know the answer to this one, whether or not you choose to see it is totally up to you. Sorry for being rough, but this is not a sugar coat needing situation.