- 7 years ago
I was a very regular member on here Spring/Summer ’11 until I called off my engagement. Being completely honest, I still lurk the Not Wedding Related threads when I’m super bored and lately I’ve noticed quite a few “should I end it?” type posts. Coming from a woman who’s been there, it is the single hardest decision I ever made. The first couple months were extremely rough (I didn’t get out of bed for almost the entire first week in fact, aside from a lunch with the girls). I was the one who called it off, but I still went through pain I didn’t think was possible and everything seemed completely hopeless. It hurt so deeply until.. it just didn’t.
Someone on here told me that gradually I’d think of him less and less, and soon whole weeks would go by without him crossing my mind. I hadn’t realized how much I had lost myself while with him. Suddenly single I had to rediscover me and it turns out, I really like who I am. After the initial shock and heartbreak I started to slowly come into my own. I started a new job, found a few new hobbies, and reconnected with an old best friend from school whom I hadn’t even spoken to in a couple years (who is now my closest friend again; we talk all the time and hang out every weekend).
The biggest update? A few weeks after the breakup I started the new job and met a whole ton of new friends. One of these friends and I shared an interest in apocolyptic comic books and we started texting each other daily. We started dating in October and I have never been happier. We are head over heels in love in a way I never imagined I could be. I thought my ex was the one, after the breakup I still did. It wasn’t until I fell in love with my boyfriend now that I realized how wrong the ex was for me. He wasn’t a bad person but we didn’t go together at all. My new guy and I go together amazingly well, have so many things in common, but most of all I’ve never been more loved or more respected in a relationship. He accepts myself for exactly as I am and doesn’t expect (or want) me to change a single thing.
The point of this all?
If you’re thinking of calling it off but are scared… Don’t be. It is a huge decision but in so many cases it’s the right thing to do.
Are you scared of the potiental embarassment of calling off a wedding? Don’t be. I was, until I actually called it off and all I got was overwhelming support. Not one person mentioned the wedding itself; their sole concern was me and how I was doing. People may surprise you. When I changed my facebook back to “single” my inbox was flooded with loving messages, some from people I don’t even really know.
If you’re scared to leave because you won’t be happy without him? You will be. Maybe not at first, but once the initial pain subsides all that’s left is relief. After the relief comes happiness. Happiness that you’re still you, that you didn’t make a mistake in marrying the wrong person, happiness about life in general.
Are you scared he’s the only one out there for you? He’s not. As corny as it is, there ARE other fish in the sea. I was told so many stories of women who called off engagements only to go on to find their One afterwards. I’m living proof of it. You are gorgeous, smart, amazing women and there are so many people out there for you.