(Closed) UPDATE: def emotional. need advice

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
267 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

RUN! He’s Trying to Control You. He’s not treating you fairly & you obviously feel that. There is no reason why You shouldn’t be able to go with him with his friends to the bar. The only reason a guy asks his girl not to go with him is when he’s misbehaving. & for him to ask you to not go period; Shows he is controlling and doesn’t have trust in your relationship.

Post # 4
3575 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

OMG, you changed the locks?  Do you guys live together?  Lol…holy mama.


Post # 5
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

oh Scarlett 🙁

From your earlier post, you had mentioned that you have been unhappy for some time, and waiting for things to improve. This worries me, because anger or not right now, if unhappiness is a real pattern in your relationship… how can you want to move forward with it?

I know you’ve said counseling is hard where you guys are, but is there ANY way to do couples counseling? Even if it’s over skype with someone in another country? Or is it possible to take a break from the relationship that would allow you to go to another place (maybe home?) where you can figure out where you stand emotionally, and then look again at whether this relationship is healthy or not? Sometimes a little distance and a little time can make a lot of things clear.

Post # 6
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Not cool! Me & the Fiance have an understanding that neither of us go to any bars, clubs, or anything along those lines without each other. I mean, I’d understand for a bachelor party but that’s it. He doesn’t like me going & I don’t like him going. We talked about it & we’re on a common ground. There’s ALWAYS temptation, no matter who you are, so we stay away from it. It sounds like it is just a one-way street with you & your Fiance. To be honest, you’re in for a long…miserable life if you live this way. & you DON’T want it to be this way. Be strong & stand up for yourself..tell him how you feel, if you can’t go then it needs to be fair.

Post # 7
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Aw! I am so sorry you are going through this!
That is definatly not fair.. if he doesn’t want you going than he shouldn’t be going either. I hope things get better!

Post # 8
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You changed the locks?  Wow!  I’m glad that you have the strength to go through with this!

Post # 9
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”~~Thich Nhat Hanh
What you have to ask yourself is…are you with this person b/c of mutual love, respect, and commitment to each other…or are you with him b/c it’s comfortable and safe…despite your misery. It takes more than love to build a successful relationship. It seems that your Fiance is controlling every aspect of your life while doing whatever it is that he wants. It’s up to you to make your OWN decision about what you need to be happy and make steps to get those things.
Good Luck in whatever you decide to do

Post # 10
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery

I am sorry for your troubles and understand it must be quite difficult to be going through all that you are.   It seems your Fiance has set up a double standard between the two of you and it’s just not right!   I don’t know the whole story, but judging from your last post it seems to be a recurring problem that isn’t getting better.  I hope you can figure things out…I am not sure what else to say…HUGS!

Post # 11
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I give you so much credit for getting out. This guy seems extremely controlling and that is no way you want to live your life. I’ve been in a relationship such as this and I takes a lot of courage to finally walk away. Good luck and always make sure that you make yourself the number one priority.

Post # 13
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

You’re making sense! It sounds like he’s still trying to live in the single world & he needs to grow up if that’s the case! When you get engaged, you commit yourself to that person. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll drop your single friends that you used to hang out with, but it does mean not going out with your single friends as much. I can only imagine the things he’s doing with his “single” friends..

Post # 14
374 posts
Helper bee

Follow your instincts and do what is best for you.  Don’t look back.  It’s a new year.

Post # 15
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m going to be blunt here, having had my own experience with a very unhealthy relationship I’m going to say this in a way you may not like, but I believe in my heart later on you’ll look back and understand.

At no point in time should he be telling you you can’t go here or there. There is some serious double standard going on here…you can’t go out with your girlfriends at all and he “doesn’t like you going to bars”? So…to please him without him even asking you went home early. WTF?  Are you afraid of him? Afraid that if you don’t please him you’ll have to deal with his wrath either emotionally or physically? This sounds like a very unhealthy situation.

He’s not forgetting his promises…he just doesn’t care. You deserve so much more. I wouldn’t be just mad, I’d be thinking up an escape plan. RUN!

Post # 16
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think he needs to grow up.  He cannot go out to clubs but not let you go yourself.  If he doesn’t truly change, you should consider counseling and possibly leaving.  You can’t live your life not being able to do things while he is able to do everything.

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