(Closed) UPDATE: Do I tell my bff that my husband cheated on me?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I tell my BFF that my husband cheated on me before we were engaged?

    Yes, at least she can help support you through this

    No, it will just further complicate things if you stay with him

  • Post # 3
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    If I were you I would need my best friend. I wouldn’t want to go through it alone and so I would have gone straight to my bestie. She knows about almost every fight I’ve had with FH mainly because I’m someone who needs to talk it out and she is the only person I trust with that sort of information.

    Sorry you are going through all this 🙁

    Post # 4
    7429 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    My best friend would have been the first person I went to if this were to happen to me.  I think you need a sounding board out of someone who actually knows your relationship. She can help her in so many better ways than strangers can. You need to tell her

    Post # 5
    7294 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    i dont think that the fact your husband told his best friend should make a difference in whether you decide to tell your best friend.  The reasons you should tell your best friend should just be because you need support and someone to confide in.  Don;t simply tell her out of spite because your husband did. i don’t think that will make you feel better.

    also, i think because you are on the fence about talking to her, i would not for now. for me, i think it would come out naturally when i really needed to talk. and when that need over rode my need for privacy.

    Post # 6
    886 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    My friend told me about her boyfriend cheating on her while we were in college. They had been dating for 4 years. She asked me not to judge, just listen, and support whatever decision she makes. So that’s what I did. We never talked about the cheating ever again after that one day back in college. 6 years later, they got married and are happier/more in love than I’ve ever seen them.

    If you think your bff can be supportive, without judging your Fiance too harshly, then I think it will be better for you to tell her. I know it might feel uncomfortable but your friends are supposed to help get you through your tough times!

    Post # 7
    10282 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I’m sure he did need the support and guidance of his friend. He is just as involved in this as you are so if he felt that he needed to go to his best friend for help, then that’s his right. He had to leave his home so what should he have done? Just sat in his car and dwelled on the fact that his life is falling apart because he was honest about an indiscretion that happened years ago? I’m sure he didn’t have an online forum to turn to for advice like you did.

    I still don’t think that telling your friend is a good idea because you are “the victim” but considering this is something that he did, his situation is a little different than yours.

    Post # 8
    173 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    Sorry I don’t think this guy deserves a gold star for telling the truth about having unprotected sex with another woman. His “need for support” is not the same as the OPs. She was betrayed and then lied to for 3.5 years, he just doesn’t get to continue having sex with her and living a lie.

    @wheretogo: It sounds to me like you were withholding from your best friend to spare him the SHAME of being called out. Tell your best friend, why should you go through this alone while he (and some people here) makes you out to be the villian for kicking him out.

    Post # 9
    5653 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I think both of you have the right to seek the advice and guidance of outside people. 

    Post # 10
    1326 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

    Geez, girl. I think you need to do what you feel is best for yourself and stop polling people or making reactive decisions. If you need to tell your BFF, do it. If you are concerned about how it will affect her relationship with you and your hubs, don’t. I don’t think him telling his BFF should affect your decision to tell your BFF, but it could certainly affect how you feel about the whole thing considering he doesn’t really need the support (he’s the cheater). Do what’s right for you.

    Post # 11
    10354 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    What is the point of having a BFF if they can’t help you through this?? I think that as a society we should be more open about these things. It would certainly help people’s healing process if it were more socially acceptable to discuss it!

    Post # 12
    2017 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I voted no but I also see how you would want someone to support and commiserate with.  Leave aside the fact that he told his friend.  Guys don’t go on forums like this to vent or share and they generally don’t discuss things like with their friends, so he really needed to tell someone.  I can see why you’re pissed but better a friend than his parents.

    Anyway, if you do tell your BFF it will color her opinion of him forever and ever.  She will be judgmental and upset, while his friend isn’t going to have those feelings toward you.  In fact, he probably feels bad for you. 

    I would find a way to discuss this with a therapist, counselor or pastor. That way you get to vent and express your feelings, but with someone who is a neutral party. 

    Post # 13
    34 posts
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I can’t believed how onesided people are on here. “Oh that’s okay for him but you shouldn’t do it.”………LIHJSFLKSHDLDSFLKJFD……. anyway, if I were you, I would tell her at this point. If ANYONE in this situation needs support, its you!

    Post # 14
    993 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I’d talk to a counselor first, then decide if you want to tell your bff.


    Post # 15
    706 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    View original reply
    @crayfish: Agreed 100%!

    Post # 16
    310 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I’d speak to a marital counselor instead. 

    View original reply
    @PutABirdOnIt: What she said also. Very sound advice in my opinion.

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