(Closed) UPDATE: Ending an 8 year friendship with my BFF

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
342 posts
Helper bee

Honestly, just cut the cord.  G seems to be the prime definition of a toxic friend.

I had to cut one of those cords and I still see her on FB (don’t interact) and that’s about it.  In the beginning it made me sad, but 4 years later I don’t even miss her.  You’ll realize soon enough who your real friends are…maybe A will be one of them.

Post # 3
2337 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

ChicoryCreek:  You are an entertaining story teller. I easily read both your first post and the Update. 

I’ll start with my little story, see if this reminds you a little bit of what is going on with you? L, V and I were inseparable all throughout high school and early 20’s. V began to be kind of a bitch (I’ll cut to the chase… but basically lying and being selfish and flaking last minute, completely self centered and at a point, self destructive) and we got into multiple arguments that ultimately ended the friendship. L was witness to most of it which opened her eyes to how horribly V was acting. Eventually L told V (funny, she told her to beat it like a month ago so this is very recent!) that she was no longer interested in continuing their friendship. L and I are the bestest of friends now. She’s my Maid/Matron of Honor and I’m sure one day I’ll be hers. We altern visits, we talk on the phone when we get a chance (once a week?), try to see each other once or twice a month. It is easy and drama free exactly how it should be. 

Also I’ll add that I moved about 35 miles north (in Los Angeles talk, that’s far specially on weekdays haha).

Sound familiar?

The only reason I don’t feel bad about this, is because at some point you just have to let go. You need to cheerish the fun moments but that doesn’t mean you need to continue trying to be the friend of someone that just doesn’t want to be yours. I think this friendship has reached its expiration date. 

People grow up, they take different paths and mature differently based on those paths. This is completely normal and right now, you need to focus on yourself and your SO (or FI?) and A. Who knows, you and A may get closer now with G being out of the picture? 

Good luck! 😀

Post # 5
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

ChicoryCreek:  Sounds like A likes you and wants to have a friendship independent of G. That’s great. 🙂

Sorry about the other friendship. Endings are always difficult, even if they need to happen.

I think it would be fair to answer questions if A has some, but be as neutral as possible and try not to talk ish about G.

I had some friends break up. Friend A talked so much shit about friend B. Friend B said nothing bad. Guess who I’m still friends with? 

Post # 6
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

ChicoryCreek:  I think if she gets upset and starts making accusations it will just affirm why you made this decision. It will hurt but sometimes that doesn’t mean it’s not the right thing. Two years ago, I ended my 13 year friendship with my BFF. Like you, it wasn’t something I wanted to do. I knew something was going on and caught her in lies and I felt like she used me for money. I wanted her to have a wake up call and I did think our friendship mattered enough that she would make changes. I did find out right after that she was using heroin. I know it’s for the best still but I did get sad when I started wedding planning and realized she won’t be there. After reading your post, it seemed similar in that you really didn’t want to end the friendship but just wanted things to change with her behavior. It does sound like you made the best decision. There are so many good people out there and you don’t deserve crappy friendships

Post # 8
930 posts
Busy bee

ChicoryCreek:  Friendships should be relatively easy and support and nurture you. It shouldn’t take so much effort and cause so many negative feelings. I had to sever ties with a toxic friend a couple years back and I don’t regret it. It makes room in your life for friends who’ll lift you up, not drag you down.

Post # 9
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

ChicoryCreek:  Hey Bee! I know this was a long time ago but how has this situation been going for you? I read your original post and was wondering if you ever resolved the friend issues? Any updates since then? I had a friend just like G a while back, so I can relate a lot. Anyway, I hope everything worked out!

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