- 7 years ago
Feels like it’s been ages since I posted a waiting update…
On the face of it, things are going really well. I have a feeling that it will be over the Easter weekend, but now that it is so close, I’m starting to doubt that he has even bought the ring (and it’s a custom one so I’m guessing it will take at least a month to be made and delivered). I’ve gone through so many episodes of getting excited and then having my hopes dashed that I just can’t even think about it.
Back story: We have been living together for 3 years (together 3.5) and he first started talking marriage 3 years ago. I really got my hopes up around that point and because I was young and didn’t know better I told some close friends about it. Every time I saw them they would ask me about it but it became more and more obvious that it wasn’t going to happen. He said he had just gotten caught up with the romance of a new relationship and wasn’t ready for marriage. It was hard but we got through it and I think that now i can look back and know that we were too young.
Fast forward to the beginning of last summer. I spent a month in Paris away from him on an internship. He sent me lots of messages during that time saying how much my being away made him realise so much more that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. We were moving to a new flat at the end of the summer and when I came back from my internship he hinted that he wanted to make things official when we moved. I didn’t get my hopes up too much because I knew that moving would be expensive but I was so so happy that it would be soon.
Well it didn’t happen when we moved (last September) but he did take me ring shopping and we designed a ring together. At the time he had just received a lot of money so I was sure that it would be soon. Our 3 year anniversary rolled by and nothing happened. I was really really hoping that it would be Christmas. By that point we had both said that we didn’t want to rush in to planning anything and just enjoy being engaged for a few months after he proposed. We had also decided that we wanted to get married in Spring 2012. Getting engaged over Christmas would have meant we would be able to do that.
In the run up to Christmas he bought himself a new bike and some new glasses. I kept telling myself that they were things he just wanted to get out of the way before he got engaged. Then after Christmas he bought himself a macbook air. I was really shocked at his spending. (Obviously it is his money but since we had chosen the ring together, I knew he was comfortable with how much it costs- and trust me it is less than a macbook air).
I decided to chat to him about getting engaged again and he admitted that he couldn’t afford the ring anymore. He told me that he had ‘completely messed up’ and that he wanted to ‘put me out of my misery’ as soon as possible. I was heartbroken. He told me in November that he “had a plan” but I don’t think he did at all.
For the last month or two he has been bringing it up more and more (he told me in february that it would definitely happen before may this year). He has apparently told his parents and when I met up with him and a friend, his friend told me that they had just been talking about “our wedding”!! I don’t think his friend realised we weren’t engaged yet! Recently he told me he had a dream where we got married and he forgot to tell me about it so I didn’t turn up (first wedding nightmare haha!) and he keeps aksing me about what sort of wedding cake I want, what sort of ceremony, flowers etc. I think he is going through what I went through when I first started thinking about marriage… the excitement, the planning… I know this means I am super close to gettng engaged but as much as I enjoy talking about it with him I am also feeling really sad and helpless. I feel so so hurt that it’s taken this long. He told me that he could have afforded the ring before but spent the money on his new computer. He also says that he knows he “messed up” and that next time he will make it up to me, but for me getting engaged is a pretty one-off thing and he doesn’t get a “next time”!
I guess I’m just scared that I’m too hurt and that the excitement of getting engaged has completely passed. I’ve read on here that these feelings will pass when I do get engaged but if it doesn’t happen over Easter I don’t know what I’ll do.