- 3 years ago
This post is an update to a previous post regarding my boyfriend who is 15 years older. We’ve been dating for 6.5 years, and at 5.5 years he started looking at rings, and asking for his friend about the best place to buy a ring (I’ve confirmed this.) However, it’s been a year and nothing. So the bees have been encouraging me to talk to him about it. He brought up in the course of the conversation that for the past year, I’ve been acting tired and depressed. Not to the point of disfunctionality, but I would definitely agree that, I have been saving everything until, “after I’m married.” I’ll go back to the gym “after I’m married.” (not that I would say this out loud to him, but in my head. I’ll start taking better care of my looks after I’m married. I can go on vacation after I’m married. It’s been this whole years because since I thought he was going to propose I’ve been waiting around and just kind of slowing going south. I would drag myself through work (and I work at a childcare, so seeing moms and babies can be painful, though again I dont show it) and when I come home I just kind of go into a food coma after dinner, eat too much junk food, fall asleep and go to work again the next day. And I think he noticed this, but just kept asking if I wanted to see a doctor about my low energy levels, etc. This is SO the opposite of what Mr. Bee’s Engagement Plan says we should do. But it’s so hard. Anyway, an adjuncated summary of the conversation that we had this weekend:
Boyfriend: Do you want to go to the pumpkin patch today?
Going to the pumpkin patch is a family activity. And I feel bad going there ’cause we dont have any kids. And we shouldn’t have kids unless married.
Boyfriend: Why do you have to have kids to go to the pumpkin patch?? If you want a pumpkin, let’s go get a pumpkin! We can carve it, right?
Me: This is not about pumpkins. This is about the fact that I feel like time is NOT on our side. We’re both getting older, and we don’t have the luxury of just floating along forever with addressing any concerns or thoughts we might have about the future.
Boyfriend: I would definitely agree with that.
Me: Do you have any fears or concerns about marriage and kids?
Boyfriend: Well kids don’t worry me too much just yet, although I am somewhat worried about being an older father, and if I”ll have the energy to chase them around. I was more thinking about us at the moment. We haven’t been interacting much lately. You seem tired and depressed and a little distant.
Me: Well that’s because I’m worried about this whole thing, the future and you and I. And (here’s where I confess) I was thinking if we got married, then I would start to feel happier, feel better. What is it that you want, exactly, anyway? I don’t really feel like having hypothetical conversation either. Tell me straight.
***Boyfriend: What I’d like for you to do for the next ONE MONTH is to try be as happy as you can be. And not just do activities with me, but also your friends, do your arts and crafts like you used to, anything that makes you happy. And have fun with me too, I feel like we haven’t had much fun together lately.
Me: One month…I guess I can do that. So we should go get a pumpkin?
And we did go for a pumpkin at the farm today, and I still struggled internally seeing all the happy families with kids. But I tried my best. And then we went to Costco. We did look at rings there, just for fun. And he took some pictures of rings, but I’m not over analyzing anything. So today is Day 1 of a 30 Day Pact to try to be happy. He didn’t say, “If you’re happy for 30 days I’ll propose,” but I guess trying to have a more positive outlook for a month won’t hurt anything, and it’s in line with what Mr. Bee says…
Any additional insights?