Post # 1
First, thanks to everyone who posted in my original thread.
I did end up getting admitted last Monday (3/18) via the ER. My family doctor drove me, which was very kind because he could have just as easily done a mental health arrest and had me taken by the police or ambulance or however they do it. But he’s been with me through all of this, and after seeing me on Monday at my appointment with him, told me I had no choice and I had to pick a hospital because I was going. I had been trying to drive myself all day, but just got more and more anxious.
It was not like the website or the nurse I talked to on the phone described. It was all about stabilization through medication. I met with the psychiatrist for about 45 minutes the second day but then only about 5 minutes each day after. He put me back on medications I had already been on, including Xanax. I had tried Xanax as a daily med before but wound up gradually increasing the amount I was taking each day, so since then I’ve only had it prescribed as a PRN twice (including the week before I went into the hospital right after I found out I lost my job). The unit itself was not awful, but wasn’t good either. I don’t have much to compare it to though. They had groups in the morning, which were pretty much a joke and had no therapeutic value. I tended to sleep all afternoon and evening because there was nothing to do. I ended up signing myself out on Friday.
I don’t think it helped, except the Xanax is defiitely making my suicidal and self-harming throughts a lot less overpowering. Darling Husband thought I would have to stay until I was “fixed”. The meals and snacks were the only real structure to the day, and even though I told the nurse, psychiatrist, social worker, and dietician that I have an eating disorder, no one monitored my eating habits at all. They just got worse as meal times were the focus of my days there.
I considered signing myself in some place else on Monday because things were really bad again, but my son freaks out whenever he can’t find me at home now and I can’t put him through that again unless i really, really have to.
I need some help with my eating disorders. I’m back to running more, which helps, because I get more clear cues/cravings from my body about what and when to eat. But I’m still struggling with everything I eat every day.
Post # 3
I haven’t, but I just wanted to say that it is great that you are recognizing and trying to deal with your issues. As far as your son goes, in the long run he will be far less upset about you spending some time away from him now than he would be about you not getting better and continuing to struggle for years on end. It sounds like the hospital you went to wasn’t really that helpful on the therapy side. Perhaps you could ask your regular doctor for a recommendation for a treatment facility that is more structured and integrates therapy with meds rather than just babysitting you until they get your meds right? I wish you a lot of luck!! Just try to keep in mind that things CAN get better and your son needs you to be well.
Post # 4
I hope that you can find a better place to go that will help you deal with your issues. I think your husband should go to some sessions with you as well, so he learns that you are never going to be “fixed” and that he needs to help you get through this as a team.
Post # 5
Lots of love to you, OP. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. Mental health in this country is a joke. I really hope that you find a facility that works for you. <3
Post # 6
I think it is HUGE that you are recognizing your issues and admitting you need help. That is often one of the biggest hurdles in a successful recovery. Have you considered an eating disorder specific treatment facility? I spent time in a few- the first of which was a psychiatric hospital with an ED wing (awful place…sounds much like you described…did more bad than good). The others I went to were specific to ED and they were so incredibly different than my first experience at the psychiatric hospital (they really weren’t psychiatric hospitals at all). They were so helpful and totally changed my life-I fully credit them with saving my life (well, them + a LOT of work).
ED and depression go hand-in-hand. It’s one of those chicken-or-egg things… until you are nourishing your body properly it will be really hard to come out of the depression (IMO). And the depression obviously feeds into the ED. You may also find that you respond better to meds once you are eating more regularly.
It sounds like you have a good relationship with your primary care doctor. I would ask them for ED treatment recommendations, and (if you have any options) shy away from non-specific treatment facilities.
sorry this is so long….my heart goes out to you.