(Closed) Update/ How to deal with waiting resentment?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1330 posts
Bumble bee

There is so much pressure on the guy (that they put on themselves but also social pressures) to deliver the perfect engagement, the perfect ring…that just relax, be super sweet, know it is coming and don’t put any pressure on him.

Hang in there!!! You are so close!

 

eta: yes, I had a bit of resentment since I was ready to get married a year ago and spent a few special occasions in anticipation only to be let down. When he finally did I was so excited but also like “Well golly gee, its about time there, mister”.

๐Ÿ˜€

 

Post # 5
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Sweetheartchic:  I think things should settle down after you are actually engaged.  You won’t have time to be angry or resentful because you will be busy planning a wedding and your lives together!!  Just try to be gracious for this last stretch- you got it!!

Post # 7
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Right now SO’s full time job is looking for a job, not planning the perfect proposal for me (at least I don’t think, if so he’s doing one hell of a job at keeping it close to the vest), so I’m doing better about waiting, but I find myself being a bit resentful at times that he’s not in a better position at the moment to have proposed sooner. ๐Ÿ™

Post # 8
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think all of the resentment went away after I got engaged until Fiance told me it was too early to plan the things I wanted to plan. He was ok with me planning the wedding, but we had/have a long engagement (2 years 3 months, and I wouldn’t have it any other way) that he had to remind me a few times that I was getting ahead of myself. Which annoyed me because even once I had the ring I was still waiting in a sense. I was very good about not planning anything wedding related until I was engaged so it was hard to wait until closer to the wedding to really plan. Now that I’m less than a year out and planning full force I don’t have any more resentment issues.

Basically, the resentment goes away once you’re engaged and can finally move onto planning your wedding. As long as the only problem in your relationship is you being upset that you’re not engaged, it should be resolved with the ring. If there are other issues, a ring won’t fix them.

Post # 9
Member
99 posts
Worker bee

I can understand why you feel resentful…you’ve been through an emotional rollercoaster!  But you’ve come out on top – so celebrate that milestone.  While I don’t think your SO should have made you feel bad about “ruining the proposal,” at least he was thoughtful in trying to choose the ring setting you would like best.

I’m glad to hear others say that resentment is somewhat normal in these situations.  Whenever I catch myself feeling resentful about waiting, I try to take a healthier attitude of feeling grateful I found the right guy for me…and I try to accept rather than resent that things do not always happen on my timeline.  Easier written than done, I know!  It’s best for things to happen at the right time for both of you – be glad he went through the doubts pre-wedding than post-wedding!  But I know it’s not always easy to me in the waiting mode, so hang in there…I’m right there with you!

Post # 10
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I can totally relate to what you’re going through. SO & I will be together 6 years on Oct 27. He’s told me more than once that (in his opinion) all my asking about when he’s going to finally propose to me has ruined the element of “suprise.” To which I’ve replied that when you’ve been dating for almost SIX YEARS, getting engaged isn’t really much of a “surprise” anymore!

I can feel my animosity grow every time the subject comes up and he tries to brush it off. The other day when we were talking & I told him that I feel like I’m in a funk & I have nothing to really look forward to, he said that “things will be different by the end of the year.” He knows how badly I want him to propse by New Years Eve (at the latest – preferably before that but I know it’s his decision) so I’m hoping he will come through. But the next four months are gonna be long and the virtue of patience is NOT one that I possess  ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 12
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Sweetheartchic:  It sounds like you should be able to dive right into planning which is good. I was able to do some things right away (make a guest list mostly) but it was tough waiting to visit venues (destination wedding in our home town) even though my school schedule was to blame, not my Fiance. I hope the rest of your waiting period flies by.

Post # 15
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee

I’m not sure if you are overthinking or not but it’s possible he might just go to another jeweller and that’s why he said if. Hope it happens for you soon, and try not to cry – you’re worth more than just tears!

 

Post # 16
Member
3248 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Unless he is really being awful and yanking you around, the IF is probably meant to throw you off. I don’t know. I’m so sorry you feel so miserable and your relationship has been so hard lately! If he IS being awful, then he’s not acting worthy of love and needs to mend his ways.

If he doesn’t do it this weekend, I think you are fully entitled to have a major blowup at him and maybe really leave. (Um, not really re: the blowup, but demand to know why he didn’t follow up on his promises?!) But if he doesn’t, maybe it means that Zales failed to get the ring to him? In that case he should tell you why it didn’t happen. . . . It sucks that this is such an issue for so many people. ๐Ÿ™ 

Good luck, and keep us posted on what happens! I REALLY hope that he proposes this weekend! 

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