(Closed) Update: I can’t see this working out :(

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

This man is playing games. The things coming out of his mouth don’t even make sense. Instead of him being honest about how he see the relationship moving, he changes the subject about you not understanding him. You need to talk to him again and say cut the crap. I wish you the best. 

Post # 33
Member
2690 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

It sounds like he’s just trying to avoid having to commit to you. In my opinion, if my SO couldn’t see himself marrying me, then it would be time to end it, in the end, if you don’t have the same goals for your life, there isn’t really a point to staying together.

Post # 34
Member
383 posts
Helper bee

Oh my – I can definitely hear BS in this one.  I hope I’m wrong…but like others I’m calling BS big time!  It’s already been said, but it’s worth saying again, you can’t know someone 100%.  Heck, I don’t know myself 100%.  Nor do I think it’s necessary.  I like the whole idea of growing and learning together.  Preferably as a married couple if that is what both of you want…but if it’s not, it’s a no win situation.  Men like this rarely if ever get married.  They don’t want to but they love you and want to keep the relationship.  So, the excuse ensue! 

RUN, don’t walk.  Or give yourself a timeline and stick to it. 

I’m so sorry about this, it’s sad and I hope only the best for you !!

Post # 35
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

He is NEVER going to be marriage material if he doesn’t let some of those walls down that he has been building for 37 years. If he can’t see that, then you seriously need to let him go. His reasons are nothing but poor excuses.

Post # 36
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

He seems pretty insecure. You have to know him well-enough? That takes a lifetime. A committed lifetime, in my book ;-). Plus his definition of “the one” is completely selfish. It’s all about him. My dad told me once that “the one” is the one you choose to love and commit to, in good times and in bad, for the rest of your life, not some ethereal ideal of a person. I can’t imagine being with a guy, let alone marrying one, who didn’t love who I was as a person more than what I could do/be for him.

After a year and a half, at 37 years old, if he’s not even close to figuring out if he wants to marry you, you’re probably better off looking for someone else who’s ready for a serious commitment.

Post # 37
Member
2739 posts
Sugar bee

The last time a bee wrote something like this, it went on and on for two months. Folks kept telling her the guy was not going to marry her but she didn’t listen…. well, I don’t think she did. After a few months on the merry go round, she hopped off. Now, I don’t know that I think you guy is selfish in that he doesn’t want to get to know you. I didn’t get that from your posts at all. BUT, I know that after a year and a half, at 37, you should have a pretty good idea if you want to be with someone or not. I just think that when one is younger, we have a lot of time to spare AND we don’t have the life experiences to draw on when making decisions. But when one is almost 40, you really shouldn’t need 5 years to discover if you want to be with someone or not. That’s just me. Explorating and plumbing the inner recesses of our psyche is really an ongoing journey that one takes and does not need another person to know us intimately as we know ourselves. I am calling a slight bs on his reasoning. I think he *might* be telling you that he’s not ready for marriage right now. Now, on the other hand, I would ask for a timeline and be a bit firm on this. I don’t want you to waste years with this guy….IF AND ONLY IF marriage is your goal with your relationship with him.

The topic ‘Update: I can’t see this working out :(’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors