- 8 years ago
Yep, I realized that my personal dignity was too valuable to keep throwing away to someone who didn’t have a clear picture of what he wanted.
I went to his place tonight, and told him it’s very hard for me to continue growing in our relationship when I don’t know if there’s a future. He told me I need to live in the moment, and not worry about the future, that there are no guarantees in life, etc. I said it’s hard to be happy in the present when I feel there is no future, etc.
He said he could die tomorrow in an accident, he could develop cancer, and what is the point of planning anything if there’s no way to guarantee it? His answer is just so crazy I decided not to argue any further.
He then said that my asking for a timeline makes him stressed out and unhappy, and he becomes more “unsure” about me when he is unhappy.
Basically, when I assert my needs, it makes him unhappy. In order for me to make him “happy”, I have to pretend my needs don’t matter. 99% of our fights are started when I express myself in a respectful way.
But I am feeling fine! I feel dignified, and more whole than I have felt in a long time. I actually had a conversation with myself and asked myself what the heck was I thinking? I used to be terrified of being alone and starting over but I’m actually okay with it!
The only thing that really bothers me is thinking of him meeting someone else, marrying her and giving her everything I always wanted from him. He wants to be friends, and I wouldn’t mind, but I think I would bawl my eyes out if I find out another girl “won him over”. Dumb, I know. That thought is what will keep me up at night, not so much that I miss/love him. Does that say anything?
And the WB responses HELPED SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!! I know for certain I could not have done it without this board. If I bring this up to friends/family, they will tell me what a great guy he was and not really get it! Thanks everyone! I will continue to visit and answer posts because this board is just so inspirational.